O.K.

Everything is going to be okay. It will be. My s.d.l. & I had a pretty good heart to heart Saturday night. I ended up spending the night Saturday & we talked quite a bit before I went to bed. He told me I'm not the one for him. But of course that I'm a great person & he's really surprised I'm not married already b/c I'm such a catch. Blah blah blah. I'm glad he knows this though. Because since he stated he was moving. I got in moving mode. I started looking around at all the crap I have trying to figure out what should be given away or thrown away. If I left before August I could probably get someone to sublease my apt easier. My gym membership is up in October. But that's not that far away. I looked for jobs in San Diego. There are quite a few there for me. I really want to move to Austin though. So I'm still looking there. I'm going to miss him. And I've said from the beginning he's not the one. But for some odd reason if he asked me to move with him, I would. I'm pretty sure I don't love him. I care about him, sure. I like him a lot..duh. But I'm pretty sure it's not love. I've found myself crying a few times thinking of him packing his stuff up. But it was/is inevitable. He HATES this town. And I've always thought of him as temporary. It's just unfortunate that our timing is off & we've become who we are together in the last few weeks. I know things happen for a reason & maybe this is his big break. Maybe he'll find Mrs. Right out there. For some odd reason I feel I have to be his cheerleader. I have to push him every step of the way & be there for him. He's a pretty depressed person which breaks my heart b/c if anything I normally cheer people up. Bring light into their life (as cheesy as it is & pretty narcissistic). I told him the other night that I still have to work on his self worth & confidence. He agreed. He feels he's not worthy of a family. Which I told him I hope will change. And this is where I start feeling good about the situation. Him starting a family. We all know he can't do that with me, so it needs to be this way. We need to break-up (btw he finally admitted that we're bf & gf this weekend). He's only had 3 serious girlfriends. 3 girls he's taken home to the family. Those 3 girls lasted 3 years each in his life. He's dated other girls casually & had a few one night stands. We talked about our exes quite a bit Saturday night. He was uncomfortable but why not talk about stuff like this. I've always pushed that we're friends. Some of the things we talk about are really weird...but that's the part of getting to know each other better. He states, I have an ex in Vegas, an ex in Utah (now CA), an in ex in Montana & you'll be my ex in FL. I don't linger on the part where he's already associating me as his ex. I'm merely hanging up on the words 'ex'. That means we're serious first off b/c of what I said previously & that we are bf & gf. This is interesting. I might have 3 more weeks with him if I'm lucky. He submitted his portfolio to a woman in San Diego on Friday morning & never heard from her. He was bummed. I told him to call her back on Monday if he hasn't heard anything. He said if he doesn't get this job he might stay a little longer. But he knows for sure now that his SR level position is being taken from him. He golfed with his boss on Saturday & found all this out. So that gives him reassurance of him needing to leave. We spend a lot of time together still. He made a comment about some guys he hangs out with being his 'so-called friends'. I looked at him & told him 'dear, I'm your best friend here'. That's when he stated he thought of me of more than just a friend. Good timing. :) Unfortunately quite a few more posts are probably going to be about him. He's been in my life the last 7 months. I'm gonna miss him. And hope that he keeps me as a friend on FB. I want to see what his kids are going to look like. I want to know that he's doing better in life & that he's happy. I believe everyone comes into their lives for a reason. I told him I know I have to work on his self worth...that's my purpose in his life. I'm not sure why he's in mine though. Maybe it's to help me get motivated to move. I submitted my resume to a job in Austin last night. I have a friend working on my cover letter where I can submit it to Houston (not where I want to be, but the job sounds awesome, I'm not that qualified for it anyways). I looked again in San Diego. I can't remember if I did submit my resume to a job out there yet or not. I don't really want to live there I don't think.
On a more positive note, True Blood & Leverage are back on. Super excited. Also, I should be ordering my phone today as well. Samsung Captivate. SUPER excited about that. I'll be on the smartphone train. Finally. :)