Orcalover

New Years 2012

2012-01-07T14:36:00.001-05:00

I wanted to do something special for New Years. Be away from everyone except me & my guy. He went to Germany with his family for Christmas. I felt kind of bad asking him to go out of town with me the next weekend he got back - but I really wanted to go. He was up for it. So we rang in 2012 on River Street in downtown Savannah. It was a beautiful weekend. We toured the Mercer house Saturday when we arrived. It was very cool. Did some walking around. Hung out in City Market. Sunday we went to Lady & Sons because he hadn't been before. It was yummy like always. On the drive back we stopped by my Grandma's house to visit my Aunt - that was cutting down a rose bush. It was the first time he's met anyone in my family. Of all people to meet in my family - I'm most comfortable with my Aunt. So this didnt bother me. As we were leaving he told my Aunt it was about time they met. I ignored that comment. We've been together for over a year now. Its been nothing serious. And we've had 2 breakups - which coincide with a different Erica - which is way funny. I dont think he knows about all the stuff I know about. But I must say its taken me a lot of time to build trust with him again. For NYE I told my friends (close) that I was going to tell him I loved him. Huge deal for me. You just have no idea. My friends tell me I'm the dude in a relationship. I dont commit. I dont expess my feelings. To talk about the future is absurd. But with him its always been different. From the beginning Ive fought getting close to him. I think thats why. To say I love him wasnt a chore like it has been in the past. I know he loves me. He's slipped soo many times. I dont know if this is forever. Because there isnt a 'forever' with me - just a limited visit. But for now I'm happy. I think he is too. So Im just going with it...

The most wonderful time of the year....

2011-12-16T22:12:00.001-05:00

Its been a hard holiday season. This is the 1st holiday without my Grandma. Thank goodness my guy went to Jax with me on Thanksgiving. The drive to & fro with him made me not constantly think of her absence. Christmas will be solo this year. I'm baking massive amounts of sugary goods this weekend for friends. I enjoy making all these things. My little sister & her friend will be over tomorrow to help. It'll be good times.

Holiday Season

2011-11-13T19:49:00.003-05:00

My busy time of year has passed. Thank goodness. It wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. Now the holidays are approaching. Fast. I just realized Thanksgiving is less than 2 weeks away. :( Makes me think of my Grandma more often. It makes me very sad. I don't know what my family is doing for Thanksgiving. All my life the holidays have always been devoted to my Grandma. Now what? 29 years is a long time to have such a pattern & then have to go cold turkey. My brother is doing better but still hanging with the wrong people. Every time I talk to him I remind him what dumb crap he's doing (of course I don't use such nice words). I got to attend my older brother's wedding in Jax in the middle of October. I was sooo happy it wasn't at the beginning of October (my REALLY busy time at work). I knew it was going to be country bumpkin. So it was entertaining. My older brother's 'tux' was overalls with no under shirt. Keeping in classy. :) My other older brother was at the wedding as well. He's never really talked to me. He's always hated my dad & just really could have cared less keeping in contact with the family my dad started after my older brother's family (mine). I somehow got him to take a picture with my other older brother & myself. His wife & daughter were shocked. So I told him we had to get a big family picture. He was like 'yea'. So I got them pictures. :) They were both ecstatic & shocked. I kind of was too. But hey - maybe my charm has gotten better since I've become the Speed Date Coordinator. I just did two successful speed date events in one night. That was stressful. I had a lot of walk-ins. I'm such an organizer. It was different - that's for sure. But speed dating is fun. I hope people find love at my events. Everyone deserves a shot at love or lust.
My house is filled with the scent of cinnamon. I love this time of year. Unfortunately this time of year is like drinking a red bull/vodka. It's an upper & a downer. It's hard to find that happy medium. I'm trying. But it hurts a lot inside. My friends are putting together a pre-Thanksgiving dinner next weekend. I was originally planning on doing that. But it got pushed & then all of sudden they wanted to host. So I'm okay with that. I had a Halloween party the weekend before Halloween. That was a success as well. I had a LOT of help before/during & after the party. I still can't believe how helpful my help actually was. AND he didn't freak out when I went in baby mode. (A married couple have a baby that I'm absolutely in LOVE with - can't get enough of him) I can't have kids. And that kid - oh my goodness- I just absolutely love. I think it might have been love at first sight. My help told me that he wished he made me feel like that little baby made me feel like when he was around. (sigh) That isn't the first time I've heard that from a boyfriend in the last 2 years. Guys just don't understand. I'm distant in my relationships for a reason. There's no goodness if you stick around too long with me. Kids & animals I will always adore. But they'll grow up & on. You can't get wrapped up in me & think things will be okay. And that I'm just exaggerating with my outcome. Love & Other Drugs - story of my life. However, when that guy tells me he'll take care of me - that's when I'll break down with a 'why?' instead of I'm so happy. As much as I'd like true love. I just can't give in. I'm a hot mess. The guy I'm with right now - gosh - I really hope he finds a good woman that gives him some cute babies. I think he'd have really cute kids. He has his problems - but no one is perfect. I think he would appreciate life even more - if he had children. It's so funny how we both put each other on pedestals. He doesn't think he deserves me & I just don't think I deserve anyone. lol Tis life. I'm really hoping I can have a good positive holiday season. I just miss my Grandma sooo much. :(

Well...well....

2011-09-06T22:33:00.004-04:00

maybe my talk helped after all. My brother found a job within a week. Not that great of a job...but a job. He's called me weekly to talk to me. Catch me up on things. He also applied at a new restaurant in town as a chef. I know he can do that. My mom was completely surprised. Apparently one of his tests was blanching veggies. Of course he knew how to do that. My mom had no idea what that meant. My thoughts were b/c most restaurants don't offer 'burnt' as a menu choice. FYE is approaching...meaning I'm already warning everyone now - bitchy Erica will be shown soon. That time last year my ex broke up with me, I started the gym & started eating meat. Oh yea & started dressing girly. I did a 180 13 months ago. Funny. I'm curious to see how October will go for me. I'll be busy & grumpy. My gym schedule will be decreased b/c of long hours at the office. So not looking forward to missing some of my fav instructor's classes. I've planned a Halloween party at the end of Oct though. I'm excited about that. I love planning & cooking for things. A few friends were over the other night. We drank a LOT of wine. Did Zumba moves in the living room & planned the party on a whim. That will be something to look forward to at the end of October. Things are going surprisingly well with me & my s.d.l. We're truly a disaster. We don't belong together. We both know that. But I think feelings are getting involved now. We're both fighting it. There's no love...but there's feelings. We'll see if I can push him away in October to make things better between us. Back to just 'having fun'. I must say though, when he drinks the REAL him comes out. I've officially heard the evil side of him. But for 98% of his drunken real self - it's him stating really nice things about me. Which I've heard from sooooooooooo many people. He started again this weekend with this conversation. I'm just so tired of people telling me what THEY think I deserve...that I actually get upset when people tell me stuff now. A friend's girlfriend a couple weeks back told me what she thought I deserved. She's new to my life....I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. However I have to fight my boss damn near daily on me not being married or having kids & don't have that set in my future. I'm not trying to sound conceited but everyone tells me I'm the perfect package. But they're obviously in delusional b/c I'm not skinny. And I'm damaged goods. I just wish people would learn that what I think I deserve is TRULY how my life is going to be. I appreciate the kind words...but seriously....it would be heart wrenching & I would feel so guilty if I ever accepted someone in my life to marry me. It would be horrible. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Knowing that I'd just put them in misery later b/c of my health. That's not okay. I guess as I get older - I'm only 29 - most people my age are either married or have kids or both. I guess family & friends think I should be on that wagon. But I choose to stand & wave each time the wagon passes. I just wish friends & family wouldn't talk about my future. I'm in the driver's seat. There's really no stops for me. Just keep cruising through life. I'm content with that. I'll probably stop at a few pounds in my day - to get doggies. But other than that....it's smooth sailing for me. Solo. Okay I might pick up a stray hitchhiker every once in a while to tote along with me for a while. But that's temporary.

Erica M.D.

2011-08-22T17:45:00.003-04:00

Guess the initials really do mean something. It was a joke that I was going to be the next Dr. Ruth. Now it's the next Dr. Phil. This weekend was a joyous & mentally challenging weekend. I was able to move all my stuff back in the 'common area' in my apartment. The only things they did this year was paint & steam clean my carpets. Needless to say I sent an email to the property manager this morning doing what I do best - bitching. Now on to the mentally exhausting part.
My brother has been not doing good. And he's pretty much just turned his life into a disaster. No job. Lied on his paperwork for financial aid/student loans - so now he owes lots of $$ to go back to school (which he only has a year left in). Hanging out with the wrong 'crowd'. And stealing for my mom & step dad. He doesn't like talking to me or even seeing me anymore because I give him lectures each time I see him. Well come Sunday I played family shrink (while unfortunately at my s.d.l's apt). My step dad called very upset. My brother had been missing for 5 days. And then all of a sudden came home Saturday night really late. I think the biggest problem with them all is no communication (like ALL relationships). So I told my step dad to give my brother the phone. Walk in his room, wake his lazy *ss up & let me talk to him. This was my final straw. I must say I was soooo proud of myself. The moment the phone left my step dad's ear I could already hear my inner self cussing my brother out. But I stayed calm & collect. Started off the conversation with my brother on a sweet, 'hey what have you been up to' attitude. Then after a few minutes the inner demon showed itself...just for a minute. I wasn't sugarcoating crap anymore. The sentence that started the harsh reality part of our conversation was 'you know you're ruining a marriage?'. That was completely out of the blue. He had no idea it was coming. It was hilarious. My inner demon wasn't just cussing anymore now he was laughing. I went on to ask him what he had been doing with his time. Obviously not getting a job. And I knew he was hanging around the wrong group of friends. I wasn't sure if it was HIM doing the bad stuff or friends. Regardless grow the f*ck up. So we had a 'come to Jesus' meeting about that. It turns out he's been hanging out with druggie girlfriends. 'They're easy'. That was his excuse to why he was hanging out with them. Um...yea addicts do anything for their next fix. So we relived elementary school for what seemed like 5 minutes - me reminding him how dumb drugs are. I finally asked him if he thinks he'd hit rock bottom. He said he wasn't sure but it felt like it. So I told him to close his eyes, open them & say 'that was my bottom time in life...this is the day I'll turn my life around...and start over again'. He said that was good. And that I was right. Hmm...duh sh*t squared. I know I'm right!! I want to see positive reinforcement from THIS conversation. So he's giving himself a week to find a job. (my step dad said he only has a week & then he's throwing him out). I reminded him that until he earns his keep or at least helps out in some way around the house - that yes indeed - you do need to report in with them. Let them know when you're leaving. Where you're going. And when you're going to return. That's just being respectful. When I lived at home I let them know when I would be home or if I was spending the night at a boyfriend's house...but I helped out a LOT back then. And paid for ALL of my own stuff. Kids nowadays. :) So let's see how he does. 45 minute call better have done something.
Then 2 hours later my Aunt calls. She called with a question that turned into a 30 minute conversation with her crying as well. My Uncles have been pressuring her to sell my Grandma's house. So she was rounding all the paperwork up & needed to confirm a few things about my mom. Me & my Aunt are pretty close(not as close as me & my Grandma but she's probably the 2nd person in my family I'm the closest with). She went on to tell me that she's upset that we won't have a common area to gather for the holidays anymore. I told her we could crash one of our Uncle's houses. But then she was just upset by the idea that the other Uncles really didn't care. So I told her me & her could have get-togethers. That didn't make her laugh. She was very upset. (It wasn't until this morning that I really thought about that comment. When my Grandma died I started looking for places to move. I knew that my family was going to fall apart. My Grandma was the glue that kept us all together. And now with my Aunt saying that. Well....the family is finally coming undone. Maybe it's time to start looking again. In fact maybe after the gym tonight I'll start looking again). She just needed to talk to someone about it all. By the time I got off the phone with her I felt extremely bad that I had that much family drama going on. I told my s.d.l. to buy a ticket to Jerry Springer. My family was going to be on it soon.
I love my family - not my immediate family (I hope I really didn't come from that gene pool)....but it can be very tiring sometimes.

Apologies

2011-08-11T22:19:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure what I feel right now. I know it's not right. Something is still a little off.

Sad times

2011-08-06T19:33:00.003-04:00

Ugh my apartment is so bare. So sad. The good thing of packing up the kitchen is helping me prep on moving moving soon. I didn't throw away any of my kitchen stuff. I found it all useful. I might get new cookie sheets & contemplating a new set of pots & pans though. I'm so happy with all the stuff I have. Makes me very thankful & very ready to start a b&b. :) In the midst of packing I got in a huge argument with my s.d.l. So big we are officially no more. It's for the best. It's very easy for me to push guys away. I can't believe the reason it happened. That still makes me laugh. He was being very secretive on what he was doing the last few nights. I thought it was b/c he was in CA for a job interview. He said no. Then I thought maybe he was dating someone. He never answered it directly. I don't know how many times I've told him I just want the truth. Okay so you're dating someone else. Good! I really hope he finds 'the' one sooner than later. He needs that wanted feeling. He's very depressed. I think family life would help his confidence. If he was in CA that was ok too. I tried telling him I was okay with whatever answer but instead he stayed reserved. The argument led to him cussing at me & now he hates me. For some odd reason I have comfort in him hating me than if he ever started having feelings for me. He still has a few of my things but because he is soooo pissed right now I'm letting time go by for a few days & then I might text him. Asking him to just leave it on his doorstep & let me know when he's not going to be home where I can stop by & get them. People come into your life for a reason. Him I'm still not quite sure why. I have never argued with a boyfriend before. There's no need to. We on the other hand fought many times. Sometimes just tifs but still I've never done that either. I wonder if he was in my life to help me prep for what a real relationship might entail later in life? Although I seriously hate arguing. My friend has lectured me the last few relationships telling me I have to stop trying to find a project. Someone to mother. But I often wonder why I was put here on Earth. Everyone has a job or a meaning to be here. I can't reproduce even though I would love to. I don't deserve real love b/c I'm only going to get sicker in life & having that guilt of someone having to take care of me is just heart wrenching. So I figure my goal here is to try to make everyone happy that I come into contact with. I'm all about helping & taking care of someone. The guy that broke my heart was never a project. To look back at that relationship & the relationships I've had til now....it has either left me bitter & guarded or I've just come into reality (b/c my health issues have gotten worse since that relationship) with how life will be with me till the end & now just seek out projects to date. I understand that no one is perfect & everyone is going to get sick later in life. But mine is predetermined. It's a sure deal. I joked with a friend at lunch today that when I get older it will be just me & my 15 dogs. I'll have to teach the dogs how to dial 911 or maybe there will be a special phone for the dogs to bark into - maybe even a series of special barks - that will let the 911 operator know what is going on with me. She said 'but regardless your family will be there to take care of you'. My thoughts were 'I hope not'. My mom probably won't be here. My brother will be off doing something not wise. My little sister would probably want to but she won't have the patience & hopefully will be living a wonderful healthy fulfilling life with her own family. I'd be okay with her visiting every once in a while. :) 17 Again just came on. I love this movie. This should help cheer me up. My friend also said something else at lunch that made it sound like she was a little envious of how guys are always flirting with me when we go out. Made me think I've had friends & family members tell me that a lot. The things that they're jealous of about me. If only they knew. I just live life day to day & try to make each day as happy as I can. You never know when your time is up. Which makes me sad thinking about my s.d.l. I just can't believe I never put him in a better mood or made him feel better about himself. He is literally drinking himself to death. At least hoping to. I really hope he finds the one soon. Like tomorrow soon. I hate to see someone die on my watch. Ugh. That's a project I failed on. That really makes me sad thinking about that. It's funny b/c it wasn't until March I made myself start caring for him. It was only 3 months at that point. But since I kept classifying us as just friends to him I figured I should act like I care at least. I would care about any of my friends if they were going through what he was. Depression. So I started trying to better him then. 5 months. The only thing he's done is cut back. And that wasn't b/c of me. He cut back in April. The week I was going to WA. The week I should have been around more than ever. The other night we were watching something on TV & they talked about how you either date your mother or your father. I had to disagree. I can't stand my mom. So I know I don't date my mom. She's told me I'm like my dad. Hardheaded. An ass. Selfish. But I hated my dad. He was a very mean person. And he was all those things as well. But I would never date anyone like my dad. A guy that ever hit me. That would be a poor decision on his part. Any other time I break up with someone I lose my appetite & can't sleep. Last night I slept good. And have eaten today. I'm very happy with that. I'm glad this isn't bothering me as much as it should be. My friend's girlfriend today stated that I should be mad at him. I'm not. That's just crazy for me. But once again I'm not like many girls. She said I deserve better. I really wish people would understand what I want and what I deserve in life are 2 different things. Who doesn't want love? But that's not something I deserve. That line is becoming the equivalent of when a guy tells me 'I'm giving'. Oh that bothers me soooo bad. My s.d.l. told me that the first time we broke up. I told him to NEVER say that again. I think the next time someone tells me I deserve to be married & have kids & be with a wonderful guy I'm going to tell them to NEVER say that again. NEVER use 'Erica' & 'deserve' in the same sentence. Just so tired of hearing it. I've ranted enough. Goodness. On a last statement though what the hell does 'hot chicks have no idea the advantage you have' mean? This was his last statement to me. I have NO idea what the fuhq that means & it is irritating me. I'm pretty sure it's not a compliment but what the hell?

All kinds of great

2011-08-06T19:27:00.000-04:00

Empty home

2011-08-05T07:34:00.002-04:00

It's that time of the year where my apt complex comes through & cleans my apt for a new roommate. (if I get one - I've had one the last 1.5 yrs - I've been here 4 yrs). So tonight I will start packing up my kitchen. Which is pretty much 75% of my belongings(the rest are my dvds & books). It could make for a long night. But 2 weeks to have nothing in your house (the common area) is really bumtastic. I get depressed when I'm in an empty home. Bare white walls, nothing anywhere. My bedroom will be a storage facility. Ugh. I'll have a trail to my bed & the bathroom & that will probably be all. :(
My boss made a comment yesterday that I come in late & leave early every day. I piped in with 'and take long lunches'. Fridays I look forward to. I take a 2 hr lunch to go do zumba at lunch with my fav. instructor. It's an hr long class plus I have to shower. It makes for a long time....but it's something I look forward to all week. (Even though I do 4 other zumba classes throughout the week). So today will cheer me up for a minute.
This weekend is not planned. I'm such a planner. I had a busy weekend last weekend (cooking/baking/gym/party/Savannah) and will have a busy weekend next weekend. Maybe I'll just sit this one out but I don't want to be at my actual apt. hmm...

Ups & Downs

2011-08-01T21:10:00.002-04:00

Let's start with the positives:
1. It's Shark Week! Sooooo love learning about sharks
2. My Aunt & I finally made it to Savannah again this year. LOVE it up there. One of my FAV places.
3. My favorite teacher at the gym is back from vacay. Working out 5-6 times a week can commence.
Negatives:
1. My speed dating shindig isn't going as I originally planned. Slow start makes me upset.
2. I miss my grandma.

That might be it for now....

Summer time

2011-07-01T21:28:00.004-04:00

It's summer break for the kiddies around here. Such wonderful-ness. My roomie has officially moved so I have the apartment to myself for a month and a half. SWEET! True Blood nights can prevail with no harm. June is already gone. Can't believe it. I don't have any exciting plans for this holiday weekend (once again). Memorial Day weekend I think I only ended up going to St Auggie for a day & then just relaxed the rest of the weekend. This weekend I'll be going to the gym & to a cookout at a friend's house tomorrow. Then my little sister is supposed to come over on Sunday and hang out. Then Monday I might go to the Micanopy holiday fest. That should be fun. A friend & I were originally going to go to St Auggie but her parents are wanting her to do something with them on Sunday instead. Things happen for a reason....I'm learning more and more.
I just booked my first speed dating event for the end of July. We'll see how I do at this. I'm hoping I can get a few people to find true love. :)

Personality from e-harmony - Extraversion

2011-06-28T01:34:00.001-04:00

Introduction to Extraversion
Some days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us crave the crowd and can't stand it when the house is empty or the phone doesn't ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others, if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.

When it comes to Extraversion you are:
RESERVED

Words That Describe You:
•Thoughtful
•Modest
•Reflective
•Private
•Introverted
•Careful
•Restrained
•Meditative

A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are generally a modest and private person. You are thoughtful and careful before making decisions and offering opinions. You most likely have a number of good friends and you greatly enjoy spending time with them. But even with your friends you tend not to be terribly outgoing; you open up, but slowly, and share yourself, but in a careful way. For you quality is much more important than quantity. When it comes to your social life you are more comfortable with deeper, well nurtured friendships than with having a social calendar that rivals that of a socialite.

Whether at work or in social situations, you neither need nor particularly like the spotlight. In fact, it is often the case that your friends and colleagues think you deserve more credit than you take and more attention than you get. But that isn't really your style. Again, you don't crave flash and attention, it's quality and depth you treasure.

This isn't to say that you don't want to be around people or that you aren't good in relationships and in social situations. In fact, you need the companionship of people, you just prefer quiet conversations with a friend or a small group to finding a new party to go to every week. Your social encounters balance out the side of you that likes your own company and having enough time to think and reflect. But you do find that life has a better rhythm for you when there is enough quiet time to deliberate on your own so that you are refreshed for your next encounter with friends and colleagues.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
You may occasionally run into problems with other people. Particularly those who may want more from you than you want to contribute, ones who may feel that by holding back you're not holding up your end of the social bargain. Others may guess, correctly, that there is a wealth in you that they would like to tap into, but may assume that you are unwilling to share. Their positive expectations will be confirmed on those occasions when you do open up. But your social style is one you have developed carefully and positively.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
While some people can be frustrated by your thoughtful manner, others will appreciate you, and it won't take them long for them to realize that you are one of those who values depth and substance over flash and casualness. Even in private conversations there are times when you are more willing to listen than to open up. They will appreciate having more time to share their own thoughts and more of the spotlight than you care for. It is also likely that when you do choose to contribute they will listen because they've learned that you speak from a deep well of contemplation and reflection. It may take you some time, but if you're thoughtful about it, you will find a few friends who understand your reserved nature and will enjoy certain social situations in which you are fairly comfortable and in which people are equally as comfortable with you.

Personality from e-harmony - Conscientousness

2011-06-28T01:33:00.001-04:00

Introduction to Conscientiousness
It's a work day, breakfast is over, and you're dressed and ready. So how will you approach the tasks at hand? Some people work best with a clear schedule, a set of priorities and a due date for every step in the process. Others are, shall we say, less regimented. They approach a task with as much imagination as organization, and with a willingness to bend and modify in order to exercise some urge of creativity.

How about you? Do you walk in a straight line toward a clear goal, or are you more likely to dance your way down whatever path will get you wherever it is you're headed? The following paragraphs describe ways in which you approach the tasks life brings to you, and to what extent you are focused or flexible in how you choose to proceed.

Your approach toward your obligations is:
FOCUSED

Words That Describe You:
•Deliberate
•Careful
•Regimented
•Determined
•Proactive
•Obliged
•Methodical
•Perfectionist
•Purposeful

A General Description of How You Interact with Others
Everybody knows they can count on you to do what you promise to do, be where you say you'll be "on time" and finish what you start. If you say you'll chair the committee, you'll come with an agenda and a clear outline of the tasks to be accomplished, give everyone a chance to speak their minds, and then call for a vote on each issue, schedule the next meeting, hand out assignments and adjourn at the appointed time.

You like order and discipline, and use these to methodically accomplish whatever goals you have set for yourself and for others. And you have a strong sense of obligation if you accept responsibility, you are proactive; you take it on with a single-minded commitment, as if you've pledged your allegiance to the assigned task. People know that they can depend on you.

Your personal life is also one of order and discipline. You are likely to have a pretty firm schedule, and to stick to it. You make time for your friends, but not at the expense of your work duties. You can be talkative and funny in social situations, but seldom out of control.

In fact, you are pretty careful; you seldom, if ever, cross the line into impulsive behavior, and you are even careful to control how much of your inner world you disclose, even to your close friends. You keep yourself in check because you don't want whatever mess might be inside you to leak out into conversation or make a mess of a relationship.

There are things to accomplish in life, both at work and in your social world, and you don't want to let unnecessary clutter hamper your drive to get all of it done, and done well.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
It's not hard to imagine one of your friends or colleagues saying, probably under their breath, "Just once I wish you'd be late to something, or wear the wrong clothes, or trip over your own feet. You seem so tightly put together that, just once, I'd like to see you explode, in laughter or anger or . . . anything."

In part, they may be envious. You get so much done, and done so well, that they might feel they never measure up. Your discipline and sense of duty put them to shame. But it may also be that they sense that beneath that single-minded and orderly demeanor of yours is a complex and sometimes complicated person whom they'd like to know, not so they can make fun of you but so they can share their perplexed humanity with you and get you to share your complexity with them. They might wish you were less cautious, and therefore, more accessible to their friendship.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
"If we want something done, we know whom to call." Most of your friends and colleagues will learn to count on you, and they will appreciate you for this reliability.

If they get off track in a work situation, they'll turn to you because they know you've got the goal clearly in view and you're moving toward it with that characteristic discipline of yours. You'll help get them back on track. If they need a personal friend to count on, they know you'll show up when you say you'll be there, dig in to whatever the common task is, whether it's planning a party, organizing the garage, or working through a financial mess, and see it through to completion.

For anyone in trouble, you are the proverbial "friend in need". Many of your friends will see you as an example that they seek to emulate. When they get disorderly or disorganized, they can watch how you live and work, and find in you a mentor in self-discipline.

They might well admire not just your ability to get to the goal or your single-minded drive, but also the underlying quality of your character; they will see your sense of duty to yourself, to life's tasks, and to your friendships, and admire and imitate these qualities in you. Your focused life will be a guide to them when they get themselves so out of focus that they don't know where they're going.

Personality from e-harmony - Emotional Stability

2011-06-28T01:32:00.002-04:00

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Introduction to Emotional Stability
We're born with the capacity to feel deeply, so it's as natural as breathing to experience a range of emotions. Fear and joy and sadness, anger and shame and disgust lie somewhere within each of us. Ah, but to what extent do we control these emotions, and to what extent do they control us? How you answer this question of how your emotions play out in your life has a great deal to do with your levels of personal satisfaction and with the character of your relationships with others. Do you manage your emotions well, keeping them in check with your thinking and your willpower, or are you someone who lets emotions have their way, giving in to the wild dance of feelings? The following paragraphs describe your emotional range in terms of being a person who is emotionally steady or someone who is responsive to whatever feelings swell up in you.

On Emotional Stability you are:
RESPONSIVE

Words That Describe You:
•Open
•Accessible
•Too Sensitive
•Reachable
•Candid
•Unguarded

A General Description of Your Reactivity
You are an emotional person. In some ways, we are all emotional; we feel joy, anger, sadness and fear; some of us more powerfully than others - and you more powerfully than most. Your emotions are closer to the surface, and your feelings more obvious to you than is the case with most people. You've got your life in a good place, your dominant mood is upbeat, and unless life has been particularly trying for you, you greatly enjoy the richness and intensity of life that being so open with your emotions brings you.

Sure there are times when your feelings come very close to the surface, and life becomes more complicated. At these times you may grow self-conscious, or feel a bit anxious. But all in all, you much prefer being open with your emotions, breathing in all that life offers, than shutting down any part of your emotional experience. Granted, there may be times when these emotions are hard but you realize that is part of life. And more often than not you feel enriched by your emotions, by your ability to be open to all that life brings you. You know that even when you have those times that get you down, there will be even more times when you see life in ways that others just can't.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Undoubtedly you have met some people who get uncomfortable being around you because your feelings are so close to the surface. They may keep a bit of distance, especially around any subject that might trigger an emotional topic they are uncomfortable with. Over time, they might even stay away from you more and more. You will find you have decisions to make; do you temper your style for their comfort or do you hope they will find ways to become more comfortable with emotional expressions? Given the richness that seems to stem from your emotional life the most meaningful response is probably very apparent to you.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
You are a cherished companion for those friends who can handle emotions well. They will appreciate the candor with which you express even difficult feelings like anger and fear. Your openness will make intimate conversations even more intimate, and make the connections between you as friends deeper and stronger. Some people who have trouble expressing their feelings might find in you a good example of how to be more vulnerable and more open. Your willingness and ability to share your emotions could encourage them to share theirs, and invite them into ways of being friends that will help enrich their lives.

Personality from e-harmony - Openness

2011-06-28T01:30:00.001-04:00

Introduction to Openness
How firmly committed are you to the ideas and beliefs that govern your thinking and guide your behavior? Some people trust their current ideas and beliefs the way a climber trusts the mountain; whichever way they move, whether the climb is on a familiar trail or over new ground, there is something solid beneath them, something they count on.

For others, new ideas, new solutions to old problems, new beliefs that replace tired convictions are like welcome wind in their sails. They can hardly wait to tack in a new direction and ride a new idea through uncharted waters. If it's new, it's interesting, and they're ready to explore.

The following paragraphs describe your responses to new ways of thinking and believing. How do you handle new information? Are you more like the climber on a familiar mountain or a sailor with a tiller in hand and a fresh breeze to propel you? How you integrate and process new information about the world and about others is a core aspect of your personality.

On the Openness Dimension you are:
SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT

Words That Describe You:
•Accepting
•Flexible
•Educated
•Self-aware
•Middle-of-the-road
•Proper
•Distinctive
•Indecisive
•Adaptable

A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences
Like someone who can sleep comfortably on either side of the bed, you are equally at home with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time and with new ways of thinking and believing that grow out of your intellectual curiosity.

Your sense of who you are and what your place is in the world around you rests on values and principles that are the solid ground you walk upon. You've tested them, they work for you, and much of the time you are content to trust them, that is, until some provocative new idea slips in from a conversation, book or some flight of your active imagination. "Hmmmm. What's this. Never thought of it before." And off you go, exploring.

Since you love to learn, you've always been teachable; you absorb new information, which means you are well-educated in things that matter to you. Sometimes your intellectual exploring will lead you back to where you started; the "next new thing" proves too shallow or impractical to you. But once in a while a new idea or belief will dislodge you from the ground you've stood upon; it is so compelling and persuasive that you step away from the tried-and-true and embrace this notion that is brand new to you.

Because you hold both solid beliefs and are open to new ideas, you are accepting of other people and other ways of thinking and believing. You are flexible enough to listen to something new and different, or something outside of your comfort zone; if it works for you, you'll take it in, and if not, you'll let it go. In this sense, you know who you are: you are neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle of the intellectual road.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking
Not everyone will be thrilled by your flexible, middle-of-the-road ways of thinking and believing. A few people are so taken with flights of imagination into whatever is new that they might find your commitment to long-standing values and beliefs too confining, if not too boring. Oh well; so be it. They'll just have to be in free-flight without you.

Others are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well; they're not excited by the prospect of moving on. And some people are afraid of new ways of thinking because they are somewhat fragile; they have trouble maintaining their current worlds and don't want someone like you, for instance pushing out the edges of their intellectual cosmos. So don't be surprised if your solid values sometimes make people distrust you as an explorer, or if your flexible and open mind sometimes gets you criticized by people who walk away from the very same explorations that you find refreshing.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many others will find you trustworthy and therefore an attractive companion on the intellectual journey. They will appreciate the combination in you of open-mindedness and a commitment to the tried-and-true. In an intellectual climate sometimes dominated by the extremes of either wild innovation or dug-in traditionalism, your moderate views and your proper acceptance of a wide range of possibilities will be a distinctive and refreshing quality. Because you join your curiosity to strong foundational ideas and beliefs and practical solutions to problems, people will trust your occasional explorations into new territories to be reliable, and not "something new for newness sake".

You are accepting of others, flexible in your own intellectual commitments, well-informed in areas that matter to you, and comfortably aware of who you are and where you stand. This combination will make you a desirable companion on the intellectual journey for many, many people.

Personality from e-harmony - Agreeableness

2011-06-28T01:27:00.002-04:00

Introduction to Agreeableness
This section of your profile describes your interactions with other people. The ways we communicate our feelings, beliefs and ideas to others are influenced by our cultural backgrounds, the way we were raised, and sometimes which side of the bed we got up on this morning. Some of us are very mindful of others making decisions we hope will be in their best interests, even if it means sometimes neglecting our own interests. Others of us believe each person should be responsible for themselves, taking deep pride in our own character and independence with a firm belief that others are best served by doing the same. The following describes how you engage with others; illustrating the dimension of your personality that determines your independence or your desire to reach out and touch others in meaningful ways.

You Are Best Described As:
Taking care of others and taking care of yourself

Words That Describe You:
•Fair
•Considered
•Collaborative
•Responsive
•Sensible
•Diplomatic
•Contemplative
•Indulgent
•Rational

A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.

You are deeply moved by the needs of others, but you know that if you don't take good care of yourself, you'll wind up being of no use to anyone. So yours is a thoughtful compassion. You strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of yourself.

When someone really is in trouble, you like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, you do yours. You consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together you move through the difficulty.

You seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, you take your time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that you'll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that's fair for the other person and also fair to you. It's frequently a win/win situation.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
For people who are ruled by tender-hearted compassion, your more diplomatic response to problems might seem too cool, too focused on fairness and not filled enough with sympathy and selflessness.

For them, when someone's life is on fire, what is needed is not collaboration but rescue. And the person who experiences their life on fire may resent the time you take to contemplate. "I need you, and I need you NOW! This isn't about fairness, it's about the fire." "All deliberate speed" may seem too deliberate and not fast enough, either to the more compassionate or to people in genuine trouble.

At the other end of the spectrum of compassion, those who believe people should take care of themselves may find even your thoughtful sympathies too soft. They expect people, themselves included, to work their own way out of trouble. They are convinced that the helping hand you lend just fosters dependence and is not good for the development of character, either in you or in the person you assist.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many people, perhaps the majority, will come to appreciate your balance as a compassionate person. The more they get to know you, the more they will admire your thoughtful compassion for others and its compliment in the sensible ways you take good care of yourself.

Those whom you help will appreciate the way you leave them with their dignity by expecting them to collaborate in their own rescue. Those who are more tender-hearted will find in you a balance they lack; when they've run out of energy because they fail to take good care of themselves, you will still have enough compassion left to lift others out of trouble.

Even the tough-hearted, those who believe people should solve their own problems, might come to admire your tenderness which they don't find in themselves. So the people you help will be grateful, and the people who see your balance between self and others will admire you. Certainly, balanced is not bad at all as a way to be known among your friends.

O.K.

2011-06-27T07:15:00.002-04:00

Everything is going to be okay. It will be. My s.d.l. & I had a pretty good heart to heart Saturday night. I ended up spending the night Saturday & we talked quite a bit before I went to bed. He told me I'm not the one for him. But of course that I'm a great person & he's really surprised I'm not married already b/c I'm such a catch. Blah blah blah. I'm glad he knows this though. Because since he stated he was moving. I got in moving mode. I started looking around at all the crap I have trying to figure out what should be given away or thrown away. If I left before August I could probably get someone to sublease my apt easier. My gym membership is up in October. But that's not that far away. I looked for jobs in San Diego. There are quite a few there for me. I really want to move to Austin though. So I'm still looking there. I'm going to miss him. And I've said from the beginning he's not the one. But for some odd reason if he asked me to move with him, I would. I'm pretty sure I don't love him. I care about him, sure. I like him a lot..duh. But I'm pretty sure it's not love. I've found myself crying a few times thinking of him packing his stuff up. But it was/is inevitable. He HATES this town. And I've always thought of him as temporary. It's just unfortunate that our timing is off & we've become who we are together in the last few weeks. I know things happen for a reason & maybe this is his big break. Maybe he'll find Mrs. Right out there. For some odd reason I feel I have to be his cheerleader. I have to push him every step of the way & be there for him. He's a pretty depressed person which breaks my heart b/c if anything I normally cheer people up. Bring light into their life (as cheesy as it is & pretty narcissistic). I told him the other night that I still have to work on his self worth & confidence. He agreed. He feels he's not worthy of a family. Which I told him I hope will change. And this is where I start feeling good about the situation. Him starting a family. We all know he can't do that with me, so it needs to be this way. We need to break-up (btw he finally admitted that we're bf & gf this weekend). He's only had 3 serious girlfriends. 3 girls he's taken home to the family. Those 3 girls lasted 3 years each in his life. He's dated other girls casually & had a few one night stands. We talked about our exes quite a bit Saturday night. He was uncomfortable but why not talk about stuff like this. I've always pushed that we're friends. Some of the things we talk about are really weird...but that's the part of getting to know each other better. He states, I have an ex in Vegas, an ex in Utah (now CA), an in ex in Montana & you'll be my ex in FL. I don't linger on the part where he's already associating me as his ex. I'm merely hanging up on the words 'ex'. That means we're serious first off b/c of what I said previously & that we are bf & gf. This is interesting. I might have 3 more weeks with him if I'm lucky. He submitted his portfolio to a woman in San Diego on Friday morning & never heard from her. He was bummed. I told him to call her back on Monday if he hasn't heard anything. He said if he doesn't get this job he might stay a little longer. But he knows for sure now that his SR level position is being taken from him. He golfed with his boss on Saturday & found all this out. So that gives him reassurance of him needing to leave. We spend a lot of time together still. He made a comment about some guys he hangs out with being his 'so-called friends'. I looked at him & told him 'dear, I'm your best friend here'. That's when he stated he thought of me of more than just a friend. Good timing. :) Unfortunately quite a few more posts are probably going to be about him. He's been in my life the last 7 months. I'm gonna miss him. And hope that he keeps me as a friend on FB. I want to see what his kids are going to look like. I want to know that he's doing better in life & that he's happy. I believe everyone comes into their lives for a reason. I told him I know I have to work on his self worth...that's my purpose in his life. I'm not sure why he's in mine though. Maybe it's to help me get motivated to move. I submitted my resume to a job in Austin last night. I have a friend working on my cover letter where I can submit it to Houston (not where I want to be, but the job sounds awesome, I'm not that qualified for it anyways). I looked again in San Diego. I can't remember if I did submit my resume to a job out there yet or not. I don't really want to live there I don't think.
On a more positive note, True Blood & Leverage are back on. Super excited. Also, I should be ordering my phone today as well. Samsung Captivate. SUPER excited about that. I'll be on the smartphone train. Finally. :)

My thoughts are everywhere

2011-06-21T00:14:00.004-04:00

First of all my 13 year anniversary was last week. The only person that ever told me they were proud of me was my Grandma. But I think it might be more so that I'm not knocked up by accident & in an unhappy marriage. I've always been very level headed when it comes to that kind of stuff.
Second my speed date lover just informed me he might cancel his contract early at his job. His boss is coming back which means he'll probably get demoted. He'll probably have to pay back quite a bit of money in doing so, but he really doesn't want to work for him again. I told him to talk to his current boss & see if his old boss can be brought in as an equal. He applied for a few jobs in San Diego while I was over tonight. His cousin that he went to Ireland with lives out there & just recently broke up with his girlfriend. Apparently before my s.d.l. moved here he was trying to apply for jobs in San Diego & Austin. He's set on San Diego now. Later as we kept talking he admitted he needs to start looking long-term. I was so happy to hear this. I'm so glad he's there mentally thinking about that. My response was 'yes, you do, I will never do that personally'. His response was 'awweee'. That's just life. :) I must admit I was shocked he's actually trying to get out of his contract but totally understand why. I also realize I'm going to miss him a LOT. hmm...that's going to be interesting. We've been spending a lot more time together lately. It's kind of bizarre. I wasn't sure when his hire date was. He told me & my response was 'what date?!'. It was my birthday in 2010. MY birthday he started his job. What in the world?! So his last day would be my 30th b-day celebration. That would be bumtastic. I told him that was pretty ironic & funny. The more I think about that the more I'm in shock about that. I always ask 'why did that person come into my life?'. Everyone comes in your life (& vice versa) for a reason. I'm still trying to figure out why he did. What was he to teach me that I guess I'm still not sure of. I texted 2 good friends. One responded with 'twilight zone' the other responded with 'it's kismet'. I must agree with the kismet part. The date is seriously baffling me. So on my way home tonight I thought well if he moved to Gainesville or his lease date is the same date I broke it off with my Ex, I will scream aloud. That would be God's mean joke. I would be completely taken back. For the record it was Feb 17th. I've actually been looking myself for jobs in Austin. But there's not a job available for me yet. Only medical billers & one baker position (yes, I've even been thinking baker positions). As I was telling him this I realized I just signed a contract with the speed dating peeps & I'm required to stay in my location for a year. I'm wondering if they'll let me move but keep working for them. This should be interesting.
Third I'm getting the smartphone I REALLY want. I'm so freaking excited. I bought my first smartphone on Friday. But then a friend bought the same phone. As the weekend passed the phone I REALLY wanted went on sale (significantly). I called AT&T & spoke with 2 different representatives for about 45 minutes. I'm getting the phone I want for a GREAT price but might have to wait 2 weeks. To return the phone it will be delivered via USPS which of course takes longer than UPS. Once they receive the phone the rep will call me & we'll go from there. I bought the cover already that I really liked for the phone. So the cover will come before the actual phone. Always planning ahead. :)

It was of the weakest times...

2011-06-13T21:37:00.003-04:00

I had a pretty weak moment on Saturday. Driving home from the gym I had the reminder of not being able to call my Grandma. I don't have a person anymore to talk about all my problems with. Mostly in my head problems. And then of course thinking about the holidays. Even though it's only been since Easter I saw my family I just wonder how life is going to continue being without her around anymore. Will my family indulge me each holiday & have get-togethers at her house every holiday? I know my family worries about me & the loss of my Grandma. And it is indeed hard still. I miss my family even more now b/c I don't have her. I had a friend over Saturday afternoon & we made dinner & watched The Belmont & KOQ. It was good bonding time. Sunday my little sister & her friend came over. We went to the pool for a bit. Came back & the girls sang their hearts out on the Wii & I made baked ziti. I love tomatoes. It was so yummy. I cleaned my apt like a mad woman & then went over to hang with my s.d.l. We didn't talk about Friday night. Just talked about what we were doing the day before. In a weird way I appreciate all his honesty on Friday night. The slap in the face with the comment & his thoughts on how he feels we are currently. Which led me talking about it with a friend at work today laughing. My boss walked by & heard what I was talking about & knew he wanted to talk to me about it. He caught on that I push guys away when they start getting serious...more so when they say 'that imaginary word'. He actually wanted a serious conversation & wanted to find out why. He understood that the guys I push away are not the ones...but then he started thinking that there's something wrong with me. I told him yes. I have an inner demon. Things will be fine. I'll get a big dog in a few years & name him Jensen. He'll be my everything (my protector & child). He brought up the fact that I'd be settling if I waited for my gay friend to marry me & adopt kids with me. I never have thought of the word 'settling' when it came to my friend & our 'arranged' marriage. He went on to try to talk to me more. So I finally gave him the answer in short & started crying. 'What I want out of life, isn't necessarily what I deserve'. As soon as I said it he gave me this look & said 'I knew you were going to say that, I just knew it'. So he wanted to have a 'come to Jesus' meeting with me on how I do deserve to have love & experience life with a significant other. And while I'm happy now, I could be missing out on being happier in life. And not lonely. That's when I brought in my dog Jensen again. He wasn't taking that as an answer. He was biting his tongue a LOT. It was so bad, I really thought there would be blood dripping out of his mouth. He really couldn't say much. He said he knew he was out of line for asking & talking about this but there's no way he doesn't care. So after him biting his tongue for about 5 minutes...thinking up something to say, he finally said 'I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to pray that you'll change your mind, that your logic of thinking of why you shouldn't be with someone will change, hopefully sooner than later, b/c you don't deserve to be alone in life'. I told him I appreciate his concern but I'm the one living this life & doing what I can with what I have (I've made my decisions b/c of health reasons - there's no reason to bring someone in my world for them to have to take care of me later in life). So I'm just being an adult. And thinking of others. Consider this my selfless act in life. However, I'm becoming the speed date coordinator & look forward to hopefully helping others find love/lust. Everyone deserves a shot. I had mine, picked the wrong one & then grew up to make my decisions.

Things

2011-06-10T23:59:00.005-04:00

A few things are going on right now in my life that I'm not sure of. One is that my speed date lover (I think) is thinking we're something we're not. For the first time ever we actually kind of got in a fight. I walked away abruptly. He wasn't quite sure why. It was a harsh statement that he said. 'you make it hard for me to like you' While that is great honesty, it's something that I wish someone would come to the conclusion of 'I don't like her' than it being me that's pushing him away (which I do). So I said 'good night' & walked away. He had no idea what happened. Instead of me texting back & forth all night, I called him. I never talk to anyone on the phone. You have to realize this said enough alone. We talked a while. Argued mainly about life. He thought it was funny that was my reaction to his 'playful' statement. I told him that honesty is the best policy with me, it was just a hard slap in the face. He said that he thought we were a sociology project in God's eyes. Umm...okay. My thoughts: 'Or we're just hanging out?' He went on to tell me that he didn't leave town to hang out with his friends b/c his obligation was here, to go out with me and my friends on Friday night, to make me happy. I told him there's no reason for him to feel obligated to do anything for me. He actually got mad & yelled & cussed saying something along the lines as to 'you know god-dayumn well why I stayed in town, you know it's my obligation'. Um....I dare you to say it....just dare you....but until then....we're JUST FRIENDS!!! He went on to tell me that he's become such a cynical person in life. He used to be a hopeless romantic but after being around me I bring nothing but reality & I'm cynical when it comes to love. I told him if he's looking for true love, he needs to go on & look for it. That I'm definitely not that person, that I am indeed cynical. He said that the world is cynical. I argued his opportunity to say 'okay, we shouldn't hang out anymore'. I have a strong inner demon that will probably win in life. Short statement of my inner demon is that I'm not worthy of a real relationship. There's no reason for me to try to pretend like I'm something I'm not. I'm going to get sicker in life. It could be sooner than later. I can't produce kids even though I want one really bad. Tis life. But I found our convo to be FUNNY. I'm waiting for him to tell me 'I deserve someone better'. When in reality, he deserves true love. He deserves a real relationship. I like him. I really like him. He has his flaw. But nobody is perfect. For now, I hope he levels with me on the 'no falling in love' scene. He deserves it. It would just end in heartache with me. So we just won't go there. There's an on-going issue at work that is breaking at my last straw. It's just absolutely ridiculous. But seriously I'm coming up on my 13 year anniversary next week at my company & it makes me wonder, how many more years do I have it in me with the accounting profession? I never figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. So now I'm re-evaluating what can I be without going into debt. Umm....
However, I have officially submitted all my paperwork to become the Gainesville/Ocala Speed Date Coordinator. How stoked am I? To play cupid in my town. H*ll yea!!

Times are hard

2011-05-21T22:24:00.002-04:00

...for me emotionally. Unfortunately I've seen a few movies back to back that have child loss in them. Not planned...trust me! It's made me think about life even more. I've been very lonely lately. All my friends are attached now. Or a few work like crazy & our schedules just never work out. I have realized I have a huge co-dependency issue. And one of my best friends that just had a baby doesn't want to see me. I think she's going through postpartum. I know she's not doing it intentionally. But it has me heartbroken. I was a huge part of the pregnancy. She referred to me as her baby mama. She would send me weekly emails about the status of the baby. And now the baby is here.....I'm not around it. I have cried several days over this. It makes me feel like crap. But I know she'll come around soon. I hope. I recently went through the Easter photos from our last family get-together. I miss my baby cousins so much. There are 2 boys that I'm so in love with. I just wish I could have kids of my own. And preferably a boy. I would be in Heaven. As I looked at the photos I thought about how I will never be a Grandma like mine was. I won't have kids to have kids for them to have kids. I hope people will gather at my house for the holidays but it would only be friends...and single friends at that. :( I'm also on another kick about my crushes on Bobby Deen & Christian Kane. I'm so much of a stalker I could actually see myself with these guys. Bobby would be home that's for sure. I know how his mom is....and well life would be superb with them. We wouldn't have to do anything except cook together in the evenings & I would be happy. I'm pretty sure Bobby doesn't want kids...otherwise he would have already settled down by now. Therefore if we did get together we could adopt & have big family get-togethers on the holidays. Life would be some kind of wonderful. For some odd reason The Wedding Date is my 'happy' movie. Guess what I'm watching?

Thoughts

2011-05-18T19:01:00.002-04:00

A few friends are pregnant or have had a baby recently. It makes me envious. I say I don't want kids for a reason. I can't have them. I'm so afraid my baby wouldn't be healthy it's not even an option for me to have one. Between my genes & the medicine I take I wouldn't be able to carry a baby full term. Hence why I got an IUD. No 'accidents'. I have a friend that's afraid of gaining too much weight during her pregnancy. My thoughts are...be proud you have that option. I'm currently in a 'relationship' with a guy that I'm trying to be just friends with benefits. I want love. I do. But then again, I feel I kind of shouldn't want that out of someone knowing I can't have kids & that I'll get sicker later in life. Ever seen that movie Love & Other Drugs? That's my life. That's how I feel. I think this guy wants a real relationship. He's only here for another year. He's from Montana. He has a 2 yr contract with a company here in town. He's a super sweet guy. But I think he's tired of being alone as well. He's only 32 but I worry if he doesn't find someone to settle down with sometime soon he'll go into that category where "he's over 30, there's gotta be something wrong with him b/c he's never been engaged or married". We recently split again (now we've been talking again) & I thought it was probably for the best b/c he needs to find someone soon. But he's here for another year....but who knows....whoever he finds might want to move with him or he might want to stay (I highly doubt that, he hates this town). A good friend thinks he keeps breaking up with me b/c he's fallen for me & is trying to distance himself considering I'm so adamant that we're not serious. I feel kind of bad. I'm just using him for the basics. Maybe I should split with him this time. We have a good time together, it's not like it's a waste of time....it's just if that's what he really wants - a real relationship - then he should really move on. That kind of makes me sad thinking like that. But the truth hurts. lol

Stepping stones

2011-04-24T23:10:00.003-04:00

Today (Easter) was our first holiday without our Grandma here anymore. It was hard. We still had a gathering at my Grandma's house. I'm glad my family's keeping the house & not selling it right now. Rumor has it my great uncle might buy it so they have a 'vacation' home when they come down here. That would be awesome b/c it would still be ours at our disposal. The house was missing a key element. But the rest of the family kept me busy. I wanted to take lots of pictures. And just spend time with my 2 boy baby cousins that I love so much. I made cucumber salad, mac & cheese, deviled eggs, brownies & cupcakes the day before Easter so all my stuff was pretty much good to go when I arrived. So it was just family loving time. We had the egg hunt like normal. That was fun. The kids are too freaking funny. I must say my Grandma's house is a lot cleaner now. :( There's still quite a bit of stuff but it's not as cluttered. Almost everyone has taken a lot of stuff from her house. There's talk of gathering for the next holiday. Which would have been Mother's Day if she were still here. Looks like it'll be Thanksgiving till I see everyone again. My cousin with the 2 boys I love made a joke that we'll just make up one. I really hope so b/c I miss seeing my extended family. I love spending time with them all. And cooking for them!

29th Birthday

2011-02-23T07:15:00.002-05:00

I had a wonderful 29th birthday celebration last night. We had a happy hour/dinner at a local restaurant/bar. It's a very spacious building. At one point the owner came up to me & asked who we were with. I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I realized he wanted to know who we were just where he knew where the demographic was coming from. I'm loud so I figured that was the real reason him asking. I did ask that. He said no. That he was so happy to have all our business & that he was so happy I picked his location. He told me to tell him next time I was bringing a group where we prepare hor dourves for us next time. That was a sweet. I'm trying to find more places & become familiar with a few places in town where I can possibly do my own speed dating events. I keep joking I need to get my name more out there instead of just on the bathroom wall. :) There was a good 20 people there at some point last night. I'm glad the owner introduced himself & made us feel more at home. That was nice. I don't feel a year older as some have asked me. A friend told me that yesterday was just a celebration of my mere existence. Too funny. I liked it. 30 is less than a year away now. Some joked last night that I was going to have a Facebook event planned for my 30th by the time everybody got home last night. :) That sounds about right.

Happy times

2011-02-20T20:57:00.005-05:00

I attended the big wine tasting in town today. It's an annual event (the 20th - this year). This was my first year. It was fun. There were hundreds of wines. It was yummy. I also have learned I love getting in big social events. I've started talking with a few people on having speed dating events at their businesses. It's cool. I never thought I would be good at this part. But it's not that bad. It's fun. My birthday is Tuesday & I can't wait!! I have no shame that I'm getting older. I'm having a happy hour/dinner at a local bar that is downtown. It's a new find. It's a fun place. They have different beers on tap weekly. They have a beer called Blue Point. It's a toasted almond lager. It's the only beer I've liked in a very long time. I'm not a beer person. I expect for at least 20 people to show up. In that list is going to be my speed date lover & the girl I picked up at the last speed dating event (that my speed date lover liked). I asked him if he was going to be uncomfortable that she was going to be there & he said no. We'll see. A very good friend of mine has found love & is acting very much differently than I've ever known him to. It's too cute. My speed dating event is this Wed. I hope there's going to be a good enough turn out. I haven't heard from the coordinator this week. That might not be a good thing.

News

2011-02-16T23:46:00.005-05:00

This month is flying by. I've hardly had time to aggravate people on counting down to my birthday. At first I didn't feel like it. But now as it keeps approaching...it's making me happier. Age doesn't bother me. However, my little sister over the weekend said something very funny:
My lil sis: 'sissy why are there baby things always around here?' 'like the children's mucinex in the bathroom & baby shampoo'
me: 'I can't take adult mucinex so the kid one has been the one I'm taking. I like the smell of kid's shampoo! Also, I'm not really 28...I'm 8'
my sis: 'You're not 28, you're 29'
me: 'I'm not going to be 29 for 8 more days'
my sis: 'well in 1 yr & 8 days you'll be 30'
She's too funny. That made me laugh for a solid minute.

I met with the speed dating coordinator Tues nite & discussed what my options are for helping her right now. Which just makes me think I'm going to be doing all the work & she's just going to sit back & enjoy the benefits. But to be honest this is a challenge/accomplishment for me. I want to see if I can do it & be successful. However I'd like to just start my own coordinating services. Because now she sounds like she doesn't want to back out. I've reignited her fire. lol I'm shadowing her next week for a speed dating event I suggested. It's less than a week away but hopefully I can still have some good participation. I want people to find love or at least companionship. I feel like Cher in Clueless.

I went to the periodontist today to find out if I have bone loss. My regular dentist has removed gums twice from my mouth this past year but they keep growing back. She thinks it's my medication. But like the periodontist - I find it kind of hard that it's only in one location. He thinks it might be bone loss. We finally did all the x-rays today & determined there's bone loss in 5 of my lower bottom teeth. There aren't any options. His plan is to do bone grafting & do deep tissue/gum cleaning/treatments. From here on out I will be required to get 4 cleanings a year as well. He can't promise that my gums won't grow back again either. It might be a 3 year ritual. If it does grow back it's probably my medicine. At that point I would see my neurologist for us to try a different medication. I've tried other brain medicines in the past so it's really sad to have to think about starting a whole new medicine when this one has been doing wonders for the last 8 years. But if my gums keep growing back I will make my neurologist put me on something else. I of course was crying when he was telling me about the procedure. He said 'you've had fillings and two trimmings done already, you'll be fine'. I looked at him still crying & told him that even coming for a cleaning is a huge deal for me. I HATE going to the dentist. It's a fear. It's just me. The fact that I can't take anything for my nerves - sucks! EVERYTHING counteracts my brain medicine. I also can't take Advil so the recovery is going to be not so nice either. It's a 6 month process. He'll work on 1 side & monitor it for 6 weeks & we'll go from there. I'll have to have stitches & all kinds of things I didn't want to hear or ever have to experience in my life. I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger but teeth is a huge fear of mine. Bad teeth run in my family. It's at times like these I'm mad my parents reproduced. :( I don't want to bring kids in the world with my genes. At these times I am at 99% of just wanting to adopt later in life. I know things could be worse...but really this is almost my worse. After I walked out of the office this morning I wanted to walk in front of a car. Just horrible. Fearful. :(

Plans

2011-02-12T20:16:00.005-05:00

I'm such a planner. I'm finally getting away. I'm planning a trip to Seattle in April. I'm staying with a friend for a week. We'll go to Vancouver one day I'm over there. I've officially filed for my passport as well. It should be lots of fun. I get to see my orcas. Check out this weather I imagine I will love & hopefully enjoy each day of my future. I really want to move there (or so I've said for some time). Now that I know my family is becoming exactly what I thought it would when my Grandma passed - I have to get away. I'm planning more trips this year. It's like a incurable itch. I need to find a place I feel at home. I'm planning on going to Texas as well this year. Possibly a trip to Puerto Rico at Christmas time with a friend. I would personally like to go to the Keys sometime soon as well. I'll be doing more frequent trips to Tampa & visiting one of my bestest friends. Which leads me to another topic. I need to find a BEST friend. I haven't had one since high school I think. Besides my Grandmother. And that's what's been killing me lately - having a confidant. I miss her so much. For a Grandmother she knew more about her favorite granddaughter than most did I'm sure. My Grandma knew about my boyfriends & all the gritty details. She would give me some good advice...but mostly she was my sounding board. She wouldn't always condone what I did or how I thought. But she saw my reasoning. She's the person that made me who I am today. Strong. Independent. Dominant. All reasons I don't get along with my mother - we're complete opposites. Anyhow back to my traveling escapades. I'd love to visit NC again soon. It's so beautiful up there. I think I'm going to Atlanta with a friend in a few weeks as well. Just for the day. Totally be tourists. It'll be good. Might be visiting one of my other bestest friend's aunt's cabin in GA sometime later in the year as well. Some friends are going back in April (while I'll be in Seattle) to go white water rafting. Unfortunately I'm gonna miss that one. I would be up for it. I'm scared of heights but would totally do a zip line one day. That's on my bucket list (that I still have yet to create).

Shades of white

2011-02-08T23:50:00.007-05:00

There are no shades of gray (anymore). In fact things in life are brighter than ever. I'm still dealing with the loss of my grandmother. I haven't taken my sister since &/or before that event. So I haven't had the harsh reality of that in my face. I've been living life more vicariously. I often wonder why people come into your life. With my last boy toy I've wondered that more lately than I should have. Because we only lasted 3 months...I really wonder...and plus because things didn't end badly with us...I just wonder. Sunday as I was driving I realized I feel more alive than I did before....or at least in a VERY long time. My ex bf had a child and was going through a divorce. It was tough. I also know that I want a family & kids. I don't know in what order &/or when. Since I dated my last boy toy I realized I've changed even more so than the obvious (meat eating, gym life)....I feel more ALIVE. I'm currently working on getting my passport where I can go to Canada when I visit a friend in April in Seattle. This should be making some gasp. I've NEVER flown. I'm getting on a plane to go ALL across the U.S. Then hang out for a week amongst uncommon ground & then go to a DIFFERENT country than I've ever been. I must say....I'm pretty dayum adventurous. If you know me, this is a VERY true statement. Anyhow I'm doing all of this. I thought I would already be in the works of getting my passport but am still waiting on my birth certificate (the hospital one doesn't count - just to let some know). So until that gets expedited to me I can't finish my passport registration. Once I get that certificate I'm booking a flight in April to Seattle!!!! I also want to go to TX sometime this year. I REALLY think my soul mate is there. All the actors I fall in love with are blue eyed hunky Texas boys. (sigh) Anyhow I have all this going on. But then I get an email from the speed dating coordinator...she needs more girls for Tues. nite (tonight). I decide to help her out. I also start planning to talk to her about becoming my own coordinator b/c I would love to do more events that cater towards other groups like 'older' people, gays & possibly religious groups (Catholic & Jewish). Anyhow I'm psyched. I can totally do this. This is my 3rd attempt. It'll be fine. Then a friend makes me start thinking: if my ex boy toy shows up...what would be my reaction? To be quite honest - it was to laugh. But after talking to my friend & after my ex (bt) tried to tell me he was too emotionally hooked on his ex still & how he didn't find it fair to me...that I thought maybe my friend was right: if he did show up - drink in the face! However tonight isn't how I expected it. My ex boy toy did show up & the (almost) dolphin laugh came out. I was COMPLETELY shocked. Call me narcissistic but I actually believed my ex boy toy when he told me he was still hung up on his ex & didn't find it fair to me. I didn't think it could be me & a lack of 'connection' b/t us. Because we DID have fun together. He admitted it. (Oh well!!) So he shows up he chats with my friends but never really talks to me. hmm...finally our 'speed date' comes up. He sits at my table only long enough to ask if I want a drink & to go to the bar....sure...why not?! So we walk to the bar & he buys me a shot of Jager (my ode). We drink that in Sherman's name...go figure (Sherman is a smooth operator & Devin has liked him since day 1). I point out to my boy toy that we could still just hang out as friends...his reply "I know this". Ok....is what I say to myself...and possibly out loud. We chat...I'm pleasant. I tell him about all the exciting things going on in my life...he tries to make his life seem fun....but then catches himself & of course I call him out on it. Later on I'm on a break from speed dating (there were 9 girls & 7 guys)....so I go up to the bar & buy 2 more shots of Jager. I knew I was going to see this mofo at least one more time. And I did not want him thinking he was going to buy me anything else....so I waited until our sessions were over. He was still nursing a beer & I just shoved the shot in his hand. I looked at him, smiled & said "To Sherman". And there it was...my last bit of "bytch I have the upper hand, you're stupid, I can't believe you showed up to this, are you that stupid?, and how can you turn THIS down'". Yep. We ended up on good terms once again. But I still shake my head. WTF? But whatever. No love connections for me this go around. I did like this one guy but I think he made a good connection with another girl (considering he stayed & talked to her after the event). WE did make a new friend though. An older woman. Sherman chatted her up after the event (go figure). She was actually inquiring about setting up a speed dating event at her work place. After I talked to her...I learned I liked her. We were all standing around & I finally said 'well do you want my #?'. I looked at my ex boy toy as I said this. She said yes. As I walked over toward her to be closer I looked at him & said 'this is how I roll'. All he could do was laugh. :) This is me. She came to dinner with us (minus the boy toy). She's super cool. She said she loved my laugh the entire time we were speed dating. Every time she heard it, it made her smile. She loved my flirtatious attitude toward the waiter at the restaurant as well. I think I dig this chick. I'm gonna text or call her tomorrow (I guess today considering it's so late) & let her know if I hear of more coordinating events. :) Side note: I said "yes" to my ex boy toy. So when he gets the email he'll see my name again. TOO fuhqing funny!!!! I'm gonna haunt him for a WHILE. He just has no idea. :)

Void

2011-01-22T21:01:00.006-05:00

My grandmother (whom I always thought of as my mom) passed away this morning. Weirdly enough it happened the same way my friend's dad passed a few years back - exactly a month before my birthday. The positive is I will never forget what day she left us. She's been sick for some while and just started giving up. I know it was hard on her. She's been without my grandfather for almost 10 years. I know it's for the best & she knows that we all loved her very much. I told her every time I got to see her & talk to her on the phone. She's always been such a strong woman. I learned everything I am from her. I told her every detail of my life. She knew what was going on in my life more than a lot of people. I hadn't talked to her or have seen her since Christmas. She's been moved around quite a bit (between the hospital & rehab) & she couldn't talk well on the phone. So that's my guilt. But I know she knows that I loved her so much. She got sick a while back & said she'd come to terms & wanted to get right with God. Every time she would talk about death I would tell her I couldn't. I can't imagine my world without her and that the holidays would never be the same without her. She would tell me it was inevitable, it was going to happen one day. I know she was sad for some time. She was lonely. Various family members would go over & see her weekly. But she didn't have someone there all the time with her. I miss her so much already it's almost unbearable. At Christmas this year my family did what I fear but knew was going to happen - they all had separate Christmases. Nobody gathered at one house & celebrated the holidays together as a family. My Grandma was in the hospital. That's where we spent a few hours on Christmas. Not everyone visited her that day. I've been depressed since Christmas because I want to move now. I just want to get away from it all. I don't want to be here anymore now that she's not here anymore. My family is turning into mini independent families. I have a duty at work on Mondays that no one else can do. I'm trying to ignore that this happened & get everything done with Monday morning & then grieve for 3 days (or longer). I picture myself just laying on my grandma's grave for the entire day. I hope she's happier now. I hope she's where she wants to be. Or needs to be. When I was driving up to see her last night for the last time, I just wanted her to hang on until I got there...because I knew this is not what she wanted...but I just had to see her. When my dad passed I was completely different. Shocked. Emotional wreck. Couldn't eat for days. Just wanted to work & move on with it all. Since this morning....I've never wanted to be more alone. I seriously just want to lay on her grave for at least a day. I don't want to go to work but know I have to do that task. I want to take every day off that I can and just be by myself. I still have an appetite which baffles me. I'm crying now but I was in denial earlier. I'll put on my strong mask again tomorrow & Monday morning. Then I'm letting go.

Holiday season

2010-11-28T19:50:00.006-05:00

Finally the holidays are here. The best time of year. It's been an emotional last few months & will continue to be for a while. With any piece of bad news I always wonder 'why?' but follow it up with 'things happen for a reason'...but then normally ask 'why?' again. A few weeks ago there were 5 kids trapped & killed in a fire in FL. So of course the questions arise & yet there is no rhyme or reason or a legitimate excuse. I realize I shouldn't read the news or watch the news, every time I do. The miners in New Zealand lost their lives last week. Ugh. So much heartache. So much tragedy. What's worse...it's all the around holidays. The time that you should be around your family no matter what. A good friend was just diagnosed with lymphoma. Guess what question arose? I always joke that something is going to kill me & that we're all going to die from cancer one day just b/c of all the 'research' people are doing daily on different things, but it seems it's one thing after the other & then the research changes almost daily as well. While this might be an accurate statement, it's still nothing that someone should really have to go through especially so young!
I saw Love & Other Drugs with a good friend yesterday. I knew I was going to cry & did indeed end up crying at the end. It was damn near a sob. I start laughing when I cry (especially out in public), so it's hard to really know which one I'm doing. My friend laughed at me & had a napkin on call for me. I warned him! It really hit home. I think that's why The Notebook gets me every time. I know later in life (if I make it that far), my mind will go. I've always wanted to be a lone ranger kind of person. Yea there's the Nicholas Sparks idea but then again there's the reality of me knowing & not wanting to put the burden on someone - that I will get sick eventually. There was a part in the movie where they went on to talk about how life is unfair. And that knowing something is that wrong with someone in the beginning, you should just run now, that way you're not tangled up with it later in life & it doesn't bring you down, weigh you down. While I could understand, I kind of really couldn't. Maybe it's just the caregiver side of me, but I dated a guy back in my younger 20's that had MS (still does of course). His condition isn't bad now, but it is definitely slated to turn worse in life. I was ready for that. I knew what I had to do. And I knew I could do it.
I've had a revelation over the last few months, that I do want a family & I do want to be in a very strong relationship with someone (not necessarily marriage, but I'm not completely unopposed to it anymore). I know in your wedding vows you have that part "through sickness & health, till death do us part", but I think about the future/end way too much. I dwell knowing that I'm putting that pressure/burden on someone. I know what kind of person I am and hope that there's a male version of me that would be willing to accept me & what our life will become (together). The mere thought of death makes me cry, but lately my thoughts have changed. I do want to experience the present with my own loved ones. Preferably in my younger days. Therefore I have actively been seeking out guys. I attended a speed dating event a few weeks ago. I'm on an online dating site (kind of scary). I'm more chatty with cute guys. I kind of question how many sentences is it going to take me before I'll ask 'want to go out?'. :) The speed dating event was a small turn out. But 2 of the 5 guys I liked. One guy that is okay, was the only one interested in me. I emailed him & asked him if he wanted to do dinner sometime. He's a slow responder. I still don't know the answer. One of the 2 guys I did like has been emailing me. In fact he met a few of us out at a friend's band event they had going on. It was a BAD venue for our first outing. You could hardly hear each other talk. In fact I think he's a little turned off now. His emails were shorter than before once we met for that event. However he has recently decided to join a few of us at a wine tasting event this Wednesday). I'm thinking if nothing else, he seems like a really nice guy, we can always use more friends in a group. The more the merrier. But, I'm still not discouraged from not seeking out other guys. Before, I would just come to terms with 'maybe I shouldn't be in the dating pool'. But I'm on the road of 'screw that, I'd like a little love in my young days too'. We shall see how things go.
Thanksgiving was a treat. I surprised most of my family with the fact I'm eating some meat again. After 14 years the women were the ones most surprised that I've become a semi-veg (can't really hold onto vegetarian at all anymore). I'm hoping I start losing weight again. I started gaining a few weeks back. Enough to go 'wtf?'. But hopefully it will turn the other way soon, I've been doing a lot of muscle toning so I think a lot is muscle mass. Just need to crank up the cardio now.
Hope everyone had a wonderful, love filled Thanksgiving. Christmas is right around the corner. I hope the weather works out a little better then. I'd really like to be cold on Christmas.

Psychic

2010-10-31T11:59:00.004-04:00

A few friends & I had our fortune told on Friday night before attending a Halloween party. I went in with an open mind. Who knows, some of them are true & some are phonies. It was very interesting. I liked mine. So did 2 of my other friends. Then there was one that "had a wall up". She wasn't keen on anything with this one person. She was the dud of the group. My reading sat a little close to home. There were a few things that made me go 'hmmmm'. I ended up crying (I wasn't the only one). She brought up my trust issues in relationships. She said I need to work on that. I didn't cry when she 'connected' with my dad. He said a few things. He mentioned coleslaw. Which I can only guess was the coleslaw we used to get at a restaurant when I was little that I absolutely loved. It was a very original coleslaw (I've never had anything like it since) & it was served with a tomato on top. It was delicious. She said that I needed to become a psychic, she thought that I had something supernatural about me. Not those exact words...but close to it. She knew there was a relative that had abilities. Which is my maternal grandma. She was correct. I find my Grandma to be a little keen on things most of the time. She can see ghosts also. I can hear ghosts. Weird. But I've heard a couple in the last few years. Sometimes I get a feeling that someone is around me. But I've never seen one. Nor do I ever want to. But lately I've thought of definitely doing a haunted tour in St. Auggie or Savannah. I think that would be interesting. One of my friends that went with us on Friday night wants to do a seance. I've never done one. I'm scared to. I do believe in ghosts & lost spirits. I started reading a fictional series a while back that is like XMen meets Twilight. It's fun. But the main girl is a necromancer. Makes me doubtful if I can control things if they start happening. She also brought up baseball. She thought it had something to do with my dad. She asked if there was a violent accident. I couldn't think of anything. Except my dad was involved in a bombing in 'Nam. Or his brother was killed on a motorcycle I think before I was born. The baseball thing I told her I can't imagine it connecting with my dad. I LOVE baseball movies but can't stand to watch it nor play it. Maybe I was a baseball player in one of my past lives. Retrospectively I think maybe the connection with baseball could have been a comparison to Field of Dreams. Me trying to reconnect with my dad. I do feel bad how things ended with us. I think I want to go back to her & see what she can see as far as reincarnation & what my past was. I so totally believe in it. Especially when you get a severe case of deja vu. Even though you know you never experienced it. I have weird reactions to certain things too. Don't know why. One of my friends wants to go back for that too. So that might be in the near future. At the end of the reading she mentioned a friend of a friend & stated that he's a nice guy & he won't be a dork all of his life. However this person, that won't EVER be happening. Just not in the cards for us. No matter what this woman said. We'll see how the next reading goes.

It's been a week...

2010-10-17T21:31:00.004-04:00

since my last confession. lol A lot has happened. My ex brought in all my stuff to work...that sucked. He was very petty with all the stuff he brought in...but just proves he hates me or did hate me. (We'll see if he can get over it & still remain somewhat friends.) It's been a challenging week. The same night I broke up with my boyfriend, my older brother proposed to his girlfriend of 6 years. And just yesterday his daughter (my niece) got engaged. Her boyfriend proposed to her in Savannah (their 1st vacation together - they've been together I think 3 years). I'm jealous of that one for sure. I LOVE Savannah. I was actually planning a trip to Savannah next Feb/March. It would have been our first vacation together & it would have been between our birthdays. That sucks. lol I'm going to see if I can get some friends together to go to Savannah for the day sometime around Christmas. I'm sure it's decorated beautifully up there. It will remind me of the village below Blowing Rock in NC I visited with some good friends a few years back. Maybe I can even talk my Aunt into going with me if I meet her in Jax. hmm...now that's a thought. I've learned that when my mind gets restless I go to the gym. I've gone every day except Wed nite (laundry) & today (guests, laundry & baking). Tonight I got restless but put in Dane Cook to help the time go by & laugh. Of course it reminded me of our first movie we watched together: My Best Friend's Girl. And even though I'll always remember that...it won't make me hate that movie. I love that movie. It's freaking hilarious. So this gym thing...I figure if I can fill up my old schedule with working out it will help me cope. I've officially joined a gym. I'm excited. Or content. I now have something to fill that void. Which will be nice. I still haven't been able to take my little sister on the weekends. I'm not sure why. But it's really hard. I finally told my Grandma last night that me & my ex were no more. And she was upset to hear about that. But I told her what happened & her response was "I thought he was more man than that". That's funny. I have really great friends & they try to be so supportive. It's so sweet. And at work I continue to walk around with a smile on (poker face) at all times. After 5 though...it's inevitable...the tears do shed. I know it's going to stop soon...but for now...it's still hard to deal with. I'm thinking maybe if I moved to Texas I would probably find Mr. Right. It seems like all the actors I have crushes on...are from Texas. (& Australia: Alex O'Loughlin & Sweden: Alexander Skarsgard - I think I have a thing for guys named Alex - that play vampires! Lol) I found out that Scream 4 is coming out April 15th next year. I'm actually excited about that & have to see that one in the theatre...it's going to be hilarious. I can't sit through many horror movies but I can do the Scream/I Know What You Did Last Summer/Vampire/Werewolf movies. I have watched all the classics once upon a time ago. (My old best friend would make me watch them with her on Halloween). Children of the Corn has traumatized me & I never want to go into a cornfield....that & one of my favorite movies: Field of Dreams also makes me leery. Next week will be a slow week at work...my mind will have time to wander. :( I finally decorated a little bit this morning before my friends came over. Before they came over I didn't have any decorations out for Halloween or even Fall. Just been in a rut. Times are still sad. I had my 2nd gum surgery this past week as well. My dentist took a lot more off. Yowzers. It's healing better this go around. I think (& pray). It was funny this time around the Assistant asked if I had taken some medicine prior to this visit & I told her 'no'. She said 'that's weird because you're in a better mood than the last time, it's a whole different attitude'. I just looked & her & said 'I've had a lot on my plate this week...it is what it is...I just want it over with'. I only cried once during the surgery. I cried a little after. Because of the two. Once again it's been a challenging week.

Revised SWF seeking ad

2010-10-10T21:28:00.002-04:00

I'm updating the qualities I would like to find in a guy that I could settle down with:
1. Must have blue or green eyes
2. Has to be a dog lover already, & possibly already having one (owning a Siberian Husky to be specific...and of course willing to adopt new dogs from the pound)
3. Must have a stable/legal job (don't have time or patience for 'hustlers')
4. Must enjoy movies as much as I do (not just horror films)
5. Must love baked goods (especially mine) :)
6. Must have a reliable car/truck
7. Appreciates great 'ink' work preferably already having one himself...(that isn't a heart with his momma's name in it...or another girl's name in it)
8. Must believe in monogamous relationships (I believe this is becoming an extinct species)
9. Must have a controlled temper (there will be no hitting, throwing or punching items or myself)
10. Acceptable age range (29-39 yrs old)
11. Must enjoy playing boardgames
12. Must like football (college & pro)

If you know of a man that is fitting a good majority of these qualifications please contact me immediately! :)

Favorite song lyrics lately

2010-10-10T21:18:00.003-04:00

I love Christian Kane. LOVE him. In one of his songs he has this little verse: (LOVE it.)
She said nice try, you can't hide behind those shades there on your face. You see I don't think you're all that tough I just think you're scared of love. And I don't think I'll take up that much space. So let me go. Take me with you. I belong by your side.

1st love letter by yours truely

2010-10-10T21:00:00.002-04:00

I've never written a love letter or expressed to my boyfriend how much I had fallen for them. But I did with my ex. Before I shred it....I thought I would share it with the world:
"When did I fall too deep" was the title. Dorky me.
The first night I went to your house. The way you immediately started showing me all of your past. The heirlooms, the stories of your family & yearbooks. It's like you already had it all thought out (like I think you did the first night you were at my house). I don't think you were paying attention to my face at all that night. That or I have a good poker face. Each item you pointed out or picked up had a story, a story that is near & dear to you. With each story/memory you told me another string of my heart reached out for you. After a few minutes of going through your yearbooks I knew. I knew what I felt for you was very strong, but it felt right. No hesitations except for the tears I held back that night & every time I think about it (tears of joy of course). That night you shared your mind, heart, body & soul with me. If I ever thought I could know more of someone so soon it would be impossible. I was & am in complete "awe" of you. The past you've experienced...you've been through a lot. It's baffling you put up with so much these past years. It hurts to know you've been hurt for so long. It may not show on the surface but it does scar the heart. You're a GREAT person. You're kind, sweet, affectionate, honest, smart & handsome. Blue eyes to boot. It kills me knowing that I've fallen for you so fast. Granted we have 10.5 years to our past together, it's still new territory. Intimate territory. You seriously have NO idea as to how much of my heart is reaching out to you. So often I step back to take it all in. So much of an emotional connection. I don't want to leave your arms almost always. I can't stand not hearing your voice for more than a few hours. You always have the most tender words. You're so thoughtful. I can't stop smiling when I'm around you. It's like a black hole. Or more like a whole new world. One where we are the only ones that exist except for the few that do know. Just walking along, holding hands whether we're talking or just smiling at each other...we both know we're happy. I just can't believe we're here.....together.

This was probably written a month after we'd been seeing each other. I was cautious in the beginning b/c of the whole rebound thought...but also felt so much sympathy for him that it became admiration after a while. I think the reason I broke up with him towards my birthday (7 months later)...is b/c I was getting scared. Scared as to where this was going. I always voice I never want to get married or have kids...but in reality NOW & for the last few months...if he would have asked I would have probably said yes. To be a part of their lives permanently was ideal. Now I think I'm pretty set on settling down. But trust is soooo hard with me especially now I don't think I can do it. I think I have to move up north by my Kel Bell & get about 15 dogs & find happiness there.

Family

2010-10-10T20:45:00.002-04:00

As I look at my previous posting (8 months ago) I've done a full 180. You see when I posted my last blog I had just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. I was unsure if I was just a rebound or what. We ended up back together within 2 weeks. Looking back now I realized I started focusing on family life & he hung on to all the words I had said when we broke up the first time. Well now we're broke up again. This time for good. It's VERY hard right now. Because I was already seeing 'us' as a family. He has a son that we created a bond with. He was super sweet & loved being around me. But my boyfriend was not happy & realized it just wasn't our time. Which was fine. I was sad but then realized he was such a good guy & he didn't cheat on me (like almost ALL of my past boyfriends have) things were going to be okay. We can still be friends. Hang out every once in a while. Then I thought about it....was there the possibility of someone else that triggered this? So I asked. And indeed that was the case. He had been actively looking....for how long I don't know. He said it was just casual meetings when being at his best friend's house. I do believe him. But at the same time that was cheating. It was betrayal of trust. And it was also the same thing his ex-wife did to him. I realized what had been going on the last month. His trips to his friend's house more frequently & how he suddenly planned a whole month w/o me. His visit this weekend at his friend's house was a test with the new potential girl. That is horrible & hurtful...and just not right. That cut me deep. I had many breakdowns that day. And a realization that I don't know if I'll ever end up with someone again. Even the most trustworthy guy I've had in my life, betrayed me. I slept on all of this & this morning I woke up thinking we need to be civil to each other (b/c we work together) so if we talk things out...maybe we can be at an equal civil relationship. But when I told him that his response was "it's time to move on wish you nothing but the best". Ouch. But I knew that meant what I had pointed out he did to me (what his ex did to him - that he swore he could never do...his motto was: don't do something to someone that you wouldn't want done to you) really struck a cord. It made me feel relieved to some point. That I wasn't the only one suffering. And this is evil...I got enjoyment that he was hurting as much as I was. But as the day has passed & tomorrow will come...the realization is sinking in that there is no more with us...no more communication...nothing. That's kind of hard. I know I will persevere, it's just hard right now.

Times are a changing...

2010-02-23T20:39:00.002-05:00

I'm getting all growed up. With age comes more responsibility. My high school reunion is this year...and I think I might be the only woman there that doesn't have a kid. I'll adopt eventually! The patience I've had so far in life...I think I'll have another 28 years of it. I know I'll still make a great mom down the road. I'm still raising my little sister or at least trying to provide some kind of guidance through life. I'm actually becoming more & more content with my job lately. I don't know what that's about. Sad things have happened recently but nothing a birthday bash couldn't mend. I would love to time travel I think. Just to see what my life would be like down the road. That way I would know if I'm on the right path or not. Should I make a sudden change? Should I have gone right when I went left? Am I still going to be happy? Sometimes I just 'need' to know. hmm...

Another revelation

2009-11-25T23:35:00.002-05:00

I've made another revelation. Divorce can be brutal I understand. But when there's cheating involved I automatically think okay it's a lot of heartache but it's different...it seems like it would be easier to move on. I've realized that in this situation it's more like the death of the spouse. The betrayal of course is there...but it's a cut in the heart as an unexpected death would be as well. While for me cheating creates enough hostility it drives me into hate. And I can't forgive for something like that. I can understand more so where individuals who are being pushed out of a marriage because of cheating feel. I would not react as some...but I can see where the other types would react/feel now.

Love:

2009-11-12T23:55:00.001-05:00

- to like a lot
- immesurable
- care for someone immensly
- can last forever
- can be expressed without being said
- is not gender specific
- or age specific
- adore
- admire
- can build bridges

Busy

2009-09-03T19:58:00.002-04:00

Sad & stressful times have emerged. A few good friends lost their jobs the other day & it is very sad. A friend is in the hospital with a 1% chance of surviving. And FYE is just around the corner. Ugh! Not looking like a good month. The weather is turning into normal Fall weather already though...that's refreshing.

Temporary realization

2009-07-05T21:06:00.003-04:00

I'm normally a very strong (stubborn) woman. Lately I've realized I'm the one that's always having to be the bad*ss or the person always protecting others as well as myself when I'm out. The one always speaking up....not being shy. For the first time ever...I don't want to be that person...just for a minute (okay maybe for an hour or two)...I want someone to take care of me. To stand up for me, to protect me, to support me, to adore me (that might be asking too much) & to hold me. It's not necessarily me feeling lonely...but I think I'm getting tired of the only person being on my team. Okay so the more I think about it....I want a guy to take care of me...whether it's just speaking up for me every once in a while...or just someone to watch after me. I have brothers that if I called would kick someone's butt for me...but they're not there all the time. My dad isn't here...but he really wasn't a protector of me anyways. hmmm...have I always been my own protector? I think I have...okay so I want a break after 27 years....but I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon....just gotta keep on being strong for myself.
I guess my mood of melancholy continues...

Rehearsal Footage of Jackson Two Days Before Death Released

2009-07-02T19:43:00.001-04:00

Rehearsal Footage of Jackson Two Days Before Death Released

Shared via AddThis

Mood

2009-06-30T22:44:00.004-04:00

Ever get in one of those moods where you just want to escape from everything around you at that very moment? You just want to put on your iPod with your ear buds in & crank up the music till your ears are hurting or you can only think of the lyrics of the song playing...and not thinking of anything else (or of course just snap your fingers & you escape it all). Well I was in one of those moods today. Work was BUSY. It seems lately that my bosses don't think I'm doing a good enough job. It's like I feel the disappointment when I'm around them. But the more & more I think about it....I have the MOST workload in my whole department. Me do perfect work all the time? Well of course we all hope for it...but honestly Mondays are becoming their own time frame. It's consumed by one task...but I'm obligated to do 5 million other things on that day. More than lately I've been on the verge of breaking. Whether it's just taking a break or breaking the job & moving on. Needless to say I'm jamming out to my iPod right now...trying not to think of anything....but instead...listening & singing the lyrics of the songs vibrating between my ears.

Beautiful words:
"Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had"

The sadness that's evolved...

2009-06-27T22:43:00.006-04:00

Learning of MJJ's death was such a heartbreaking shock. I know quite a few people did not like him...but I'm one of the ones that had a HUGE crush on him thru middle & high school. My crush ended probably around the later years of high school but my admiration never disappeared. I found he was a man that cared for the world, world peace, equality in races & yes, children. I think he related with children in a different way than most adults would consider 'normal'. As a person not experiencing part of their childhood I can somewhat relate that it's so nice to try to live your (adult)life a day in a child's day. That carefree, do whatever you want, everything happy, surrounded by family ,financial freedom...that you don't & won't ever experience again once you've had your first job. After working life isn't that simple anymore. You then have responsibilities if not just for yourself but possibly others as well. I remember in high school I wasn't the only one that admired MJJ. I even did a sketch of him as one of my art projects in high school. I still have it framed & am still proud of it. As the years have passed since my very fond time at high school I've adapted into a world of only blaring my MJJ to myself...that not that many people really like him. I think that's why I love music so much. Almost any & every music artist admits that MJJ is their idol. Whether it's his music, the lyrics or his style of dance. They are what they are today b/c of him. When I heard of the horrible news I immediately went online to find anything & everything. All my music groups/artists that I follow (stalk) on Twitter put really nice comments of how much he'll be missed & how sad they were. I knew if I kept watching all this stuff that it was just rubbing it in, it would only upset me more. But I had to watch it. My friend texted me telling me MTV was playing MJJ music videos. I immediately turned it on to that. As if I've never seen those music videos before...I watched them. Back in the 90's MTV was totally different than it is now. I miss those old MTV days where you could turn it on MTV & there was nothing but music videos being played for hours...or a certain artist/band's songs playing back to back. But now it's all reality TV shows...it's lost its originality I think. Nigel Lythgoe on So You Think You Can Dance that night stated some very beautiful words to the Jackson family & to the viewers of the show...saying something along the lines of how he hopes the Jackson family only grieves a short time b/c this is a man that will never be forgotten & will always be an idol. I cried almost the whole night...I had puffy eyes before I even went to bed. I was supposed to make a cheesecake that night...I lost my mind once I found out the news with MJJ. I forgot I was supposed to make it. It wasn't until the next morning & I was in the shower that I remembered. Most of my friends at work came in & were telling me how they thought of me when they heard about MJJ. It was kind of funny. But then again how do you know me & NOT know that about me? I had friends from my childhood putting comments on Facebook saying they thought of me as well b/c they remember I LOVED MJJ when we were growing up...I would apparently walk around jamming to it on my walkman or on our way to school...I don't remember that...but it was definitely funny even thinking about it. It's still a shock. Even the mere thought of it still brings tears to my eyes. I've been playing MJJ in the car ever since the news. I'll watch the music videos on TV again...not the news though. It hurts still. I'm so sad for his children, his family & his fans who truly loved him. He will never be forgotten but he will be missed. RIP MJJ

Widget

2009-05-24T16:16:00.001-04:00

vampires

2009-05-07T20:15:00.000-04:00

2009-04-25T10:00:00.001-04:00

True Blood

2009-04-03T22:40:00.000-04:00

http://truebloodnet.com/alan-ball-builds-anticipation-true-blood-season-2/

So freaking excited...I can't wait!!!!

Lorne

2009-04-02T17:53:00.000-04:00

I'm so sad...

http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-andy-hallett1-2009apr01,0,319761.story

Crazy

2009-03-24T07:41:00.003-04:00

You know you have issues when you make a playlist on your iPod titled "vampires".....and the list including songs from 5 million things you've watched/own. My vampire list includes (of course) the soundtrack & musical score from Twilight, songs from True Blood, songs from Moonlight and the theme song from Angel. I'm definitely not in denial...lol....but sometimes I scare myself. Twilight just came out on DVD so my vampire buddy came over & we had a vampiric weekend. We started off on Sat watching Angel, then watched Twilight (as Aimee said 'like every other girl in the world was watching') & then finished up with True Blood. That was just Sat. Sunday she came back over & we watched the final episodes of Angel - which I had never seen apparently. I was left hanging. I spent the rest of the night watching the commentaries on the last episode & the season from the writers & directors. I didn't know what to feel, how to take in the abrupt ending of the series. I have some reassurance that our Angel makes it...but still...I could of used more. I LOVED the 100th episode. It couldn't have been better. Next weekend we're shooting for Moonlight & True Blood. Agh! "I'll say it for you" "Vampire!" :) lol

new name

2009-03-18T20:55:00.002-04:00

I have been named 'Vampire Cult Leader'. I feel special that I have all these names. Although I kind of like 'Pusher' better. I am a cult leader (of baked goods, vampire shows, vampire books, Netflix, banana rum, Criminal Minds....this list could go on & on). I just think of it as 'spreading the love'. :)

Alexander

2009-03-04T18:32:00.000-05:00

Love me some Alex Skarsgard

http://www.fanforum.com/f298/eric-northman-alexander-skarsg-rd-appreciation-2-because-he-our-vampire-hunk-62860670/index5.html

Good times...

2009-01-24T11:40:00.001-05:00

http://www.alligator.org/articles/2009/01/21/news/campus/090121_accent.txt

Could it be?....

2009-01-24T11:39:00.001-05:00

http://license.icopyright.net/user/viewFreeUse.act?fuid=MjUwMTUyNw==

Shapeshifters.....hmmmm

Man of my dreams?

2009-01-16T20:45:00.006-05:00

I have this friend that moved away a year & a half ago to go on a bit of a sabbatical. We still text each other...call every once in a while. He emails me pictures of his excursions from time to time. Besides me there is only one other person he talks to from here. Well recently he called me telling me he was going to be in my neck in the woods out of the blue, in like an hour. I was at work...he needed to see someone that was there so he wanted to make sure I would stick around to see him as well. Apparently he's moving to Seattle to be near his sister & niece so his mom can possibly move out there....and be able to see them all at once. His original plan when he first left for his sabbatical was to move to Colorado b/c he loves it there so much...but I guess he's settling in Seattle. Apparently he never knew I wanted to move to Seattle...which is baffling if you know me you know I love the idea of moving there...I love that type of weather...and it's near all my orcas! Well as he's telling me he's on his way down from SC just for the day to see us...he starts telling me about his new plan of moving to Seattle. In fact he was on a plane the next day from SC to Seattle to start looking for jobs. I flip out on the phone b/c I was soooo jealous he's moving there...I immediately asked him if he'll put me up...to make sure he gets a big enough house with at least 2 bedrooms or buy a really big comfy couch. He told me he'd definitely put me up if I really wanted to move out there. He had to get off the phone with me for a brief moment...so in b/t time I started telling a few friends that he was coming. He calls me back to tell me he doesn't want anyone else to know he's going to be there...that it's a short trip...he just needed to drive down to get something & then he was on his way back that night. Oops! So I just didn't mention it to anyone else at work anymore after that. We talked a little bit longer & then he told me he'd just text me when he was done with the other person he needed to see. That way I could just come out & talk to him by myself...I guess. Well I waited a bit & then needed to go over to the other bldg to deliver stuff & saw him standing out in the parking lot talking to the guy he did come to see & quite a few other people (mostly people he never did like). I felt so bad...so I figured since he was going to get tied up talking to these people that he really wouldn't have time to visit with me. So I decided to interrupt just to give him a quick hug & say hello. I interrupted the friendly meeting & hugged him & said it was good to see you again...and that was pretty much it. He said he'd text me later. I felt really bad he got roped into talking to all those people b/c that was seriously not his true intentions for this trip. I go about finishing my work & about 30 mins later he calls me asking if I was still going to come out & say hi. I told him I already did & knew he needed to get back on the road. He said that he hoped he could of talked to me longer...but he guesses he'll leave. I ask him "did you really want me to come back out & talk to you?". He said "well yea".....I was like "okay...where are you?"....he said "I guess I'm leaving".....I was like "what is going on here?....do you want me to come out there or not"...he starts stuttering...I was like "are you kidding me? Alright I'm coming out"...."well I'm already leaving" is his response..."well I'm already by the side door" is what I tell him back...."oh you're coming out?" he asks happily. "Yea I'm here" I say as I'm walking out the door..."oh I see you....I'll back, back in the parking lot" he states...I looked out as I was walking out & he threw his car in reverse really fast & parked. I was confused...I've never seen someone so eager to see me...unless of course it's a little kid. It was funny....we only talked for about 2 minutes before we were interrupted by more visitors catching that he was out in the parking lot & wanting to say hello. I stood out there for a while, while one person in particular chatted him up for like 25 minutes. I was determined not to leave b/c I knew he wanted to talk to ME. I was patient. And then when that person finally did leave..I realized it was 4:30....before we even started talking I just said "you should probably get on the road...you're going to get stuck in 5 o'clock traffic." "You really think I will? In Starke?" he asked. "Yea I think so...I've gotten stuck there before. You said you couldn't stay long...I feel bad that you've gotten stuck here this long. Good luck with your interview..and text me later" was pretty much all I said...I did give him a few hugs. Once I got back inside I had to tell my male friend how funny that was about him backing up so fast in the parking lot...he said "Erica, don't you see?...he's still likes you!" In my position I have changed from back in the times we used to hang out a LOT....I've gained quite a big of weight...which has led to the door closing to my love life. I'm not comfortable with myself & someone touching me in an intimate way....I've been working on it slowly but surely. I've been single for 4 years now....there's major work that needs to be done this year...I'm going to start going crazy...or in Seinfeld terms "Elaine stupid". My friends have told me even before he moved away that he was in love with me...or better terms lust...even though there could of been love...we hung out for a few years...did some really stupid things together...but I dated his best friend...granted that relationship was not that great...but we still remained friends after the fact. I saw it at one point or another...he would get too intimate talking about things sometimes...he would always say really nice things about my personality that I apparently have...that I'm nice...I'm patient...I'm a good listener (which he brought up again on his way to visit that day on the phone). We're friends....I'm not attracted to him that way. But then one day (this is in the past) he goes out & buys a Durango....calls me that night to tell me he did so....I was completely shocked...that's the car I wanted for a few years...I was just thinking to myself... "okay I'm going to ask him what color it is...if he says blue...I'm going to have to marry this guy"....so I asked him what color....guess what color he got? Blue! I was so relieved I didn't say my thoughts out loud....I was just very excited for him. OMG I just remembered I got to drive it once....after a holiday party...man I made him go out with me...my dress split...we had to drive all the way back to the hotel to get his jacket...then I still wanted to go out for a drink so we went back to the bar...only to have time for one drink...that he had to pay for b/c I forgot my purse....wow I just remembered that....scary. Okay so he did like me once....there's no way he's still attracted to me. Right?

It's not like Christmas at all....

2008-12-23T21:52:00.007-05:00

For me it's not Christmas yet. I was so excited once Halloween got here...just thinking okay 2 more months...then Thanksgiving rolled around...and even then I started losing my 'feeling' for Christmas. Granted being in Florida it never really feels like Christmas...at least if you've ever experienced the holidays up north (where you actually see all 4 seasons) & appreciate the actual coldness, dreariness & (if lucky) snow of this time of year & think that that is definitely how Christmas should be. I've been here long enough to know Christmas really is never that cold here...nor do we see snow (except in '89). I have been turning on my Christmas tree every night though. It is very heart warming to see the lights on the tree. And I made it a point to put up my Christmas tree as soon as I got back from my Grandma's from Thanksgiving...it's just here already....most of my shopping is done...I have my wrapping still to do. Maybe once I wrap all my presents and put them under the tree tomorrow it'll look a little different for me. For once in all my 10 years of working I am taking a day off near Christmas. This is a risky move in my line of work. For it is month end as well as year end. And until April....things are just going to be busy again (auditing season). The more I write blogs or talk to people about when is really a good time to take vacation in accounting the more I question..why is this a profession? Can't they just have computers to do all this part of any job? Accounting sucks....it's busy ALL the freaking time. But in case you're wondering the answer...summer is about the ONLY time that is safe to take a vacation. You have auditors in Spring, FYE in Fall & then YE in the winter...yuck. I'm feeling that itch again. But I don't have to do the scratching....apparently other people are doing it for me. I received 2 emails yesterday of job openings at different companies....it's great. Enough about work...ugh! Hope everyone has a WONDERFUL Christmas! Merry Christmas to all.....

funny

2008-11-21T08:48:00.001-05:00

http://www.take180.com/s/bprmn

Twilight

2008-11-21T08:29:00.002-05:00

The first premiere I've ever been to was last night (or I should said this morning)....Twilight. Talk about super cheesy...that would be it. But I LOVE cheesy movies. :) Considering the budget of the movie...they did pretty good. Some parts were just so cheesy I couldn't not laugh. The night started off great. Met some friends for Moe's & Starbucks pre-movie. Then when we got to the theatre (at 8) we were some of the first few. We were ecstatic we didn't have to wait outside! We made friends within like 15 minutes. And those new friends brought Scattegories to play while we waited! Talk about awesome! So we played a round of that & then the mgr came by & told us that we could go ahead & be seated in our theatres. So we didn't have to wait outside in the cold, we didn't have to sit on the floor for 4 hours...instead we were cozy in the theatre for...4 hrs....there were sooo many people! It was awesome! I hope Stephenie Meyer gets the result she wanted for the opening weekend. We can't wait for the next movie. It was surreal seeing it on the big screen. When it gets released on dvd I will have a 'viewing' party at my crib & more than likely I will watch it more than once in the first week I have it. The baseball scene is AWESOME! Soundtrack GREAT! It's funny b/c we've been listening to the soundtrack since the 4th (when it was released) & so every time a song started we all knew what it was. It was just cool. On a side note there was a mock of Twilight made called Dim Light. It is hilarious! Talk about cry with laughter....you have to take a look....

brrrr

2008-11-18T20:29:00.003-05:00

It's going to be down in the 20's tonight here. Now this is great holiday weather! If only I had up the Christmas tree already. Mine won't be going up until the weekend after Thanksgiving. Right now I still have Halloween stuff up in honor of Twilight. This week is a countdown to the Twilight movie premiere (at 12:01 a.m. on Friday morning). Yes I will be there...freezing my *ss off! I have no idea how I'm going survive the weather for 3 hrs waiting in line. And as I admitted to a friend earlier today this is the first premiere showing I've ever been to! I almost went for Batman Begins but settled for a show right after work. Also the last True Blood episode is this upcoming Sunday night. I'm going to be VERY sad once Sunday is over. I'd just love to crawl in a hole until next August when (hopefully) the new season starts up. However Thanksgiving is next week....and I'm sure that will lift my moods for a few days. :) If the weather stays the way it is right now....it will be a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! Time to go make some cinnamon hot cocoa.

What's my age again?

2008-11-10T22:16:00.002-05:00

So a friend & I found a link to a Twilight prom here at a local library....the holdup is it's supposed to be for teenagers....can I pass as 18? Idk

Dreams...

2008-11-08T08:04:00.004-05:00

It has been such a long while since I've blogged. This morning I woke up with some of the best dreams still fresh in my mind. One was hanging out with D.C. & the other was solving a mystery with B.D. Hilarious....yes come to think about it...but the best part of the last dream was going back to their house & it being decorated for Christmas. Christmas is my favorite holiday....however Thanksgiving it right up there too. I just love any holiday where the family can get together really. But the house was this country/stone/hardwood floor house...that was so tastefully decorated (as I joked yesterday at work my xmas trees are always so tacky...but on purpose...I have the most aggravating decorations...the icicles...oh yea). Lights, ribbon, decorations...it was just so nice. And the weather...there was a nice nip in the air....it helped I woke up and that nip was still there. :) It's 50 this a.m. here. LOVE this weather! It just makes me want Christmas to get here even sooner. But Thanksgiving is first! I still have out some of my Halloween decorations in honor of Twilight. Once I see Twilight I'm sure I'll decorate for 'fall/Thanksgiving' stuff. But once Thanksgiving happens the next day will be putting up the Christmas tree & decorating...the best weekend ever. :) Not much has been going on except for me still being stuck in a vampire world. I've read/bought the Twilight books, bought 2 Twilight shirts, am going to see the movie for the midnight premiere showing (Hazel is getting out!). I've been into True Blood every since it started up on HBO. If you're not watching it you need to! It's southern vamps....it's quite entertaining. It's a culture that blends in with Bon Temps society. They live in Louisiana and hang out at bars just like mortals do. I've read the first T.B. book too & some of the second. Now I'm onto another vampire series...of which I'm reading my 3rd. It's funny how vampires & books have now become my new crack. All my magazines (I sat down one time & listed all the magazines I get...I get 10) & my Netflix are piling up. It's funny. Talk about addictive personality. This weekend is full of fun times. The downtown arts festival is here so I'll be meeting up a few friends for that & then tonight is the Vandy game....Go Gators! Tomorrow I want/have/need to see Role Models. It just looks hilarious....and lately...I just want to laugh!

Vamps

2008-10-22T21:08:00.004-04:00

And so the stress is over! What a weight off my shoulders! Now on to my 2nd life. I've been joking for quite a while that I believe vamps are among us...and it doesn't help that I'm addicted to True Blood & have recently read all of the Twilight books. I have several coworkers that watch True Blood so we joke around all week what happened the prev. week. We're taking it to the extremes now & are actually making props from the shows....small things...nothing big...but it makes work so much better! lol Well apparently I've been harping on becoming a vampire too much lately that one of my friends sent out an email stating that she was going to wear a turtleneck tomorrow to work b/c she's getting really scared of me lately. It's just hilarious. Less than a month away from Twilight being released! I can't wait....I have to buy shirts soon!

Too soon

2008-10-07T20:53:00.004-04:00

I spoke to soon yesterday. As luck would have it I found out today that one of my deadlines for next week has been pushed up to this week & by Thurs. These kind of days are no fun. Then as I'm printing my reports I find out I have an additional 21 invoices to prepare by Thurs. on top of all my normal work. 21? 21! I started threatening that I was going to kick someone in the shin 21 times (b/c this can actually be blamed on someone). I worked late tonight...and I'm sure the next few days will be the same way. My theme song lately has been #6 (Pardon Me) off of Staind's new album: Illusion of Progress. I blared that all the way home....and I'm sure I'll blare it on the way into work tomorrow. lol

Whirlwind

2008-10-06T20:40:00.005-04:00

There has been a whirlwind of events going on lately. First & mostly work. As I've talked about it a hundred times I'm sure...it's FYE. While it won't be over till around the 15th...I feel I have a good grasp on things. I had a big deadline today that was due...and I met that one...as well as all of last week's deadlines. I hate to jinx myself but this FYE has actually gone way more smoother than past years. No, the work load has been the same in fact it's increased if anything...maybe I'm just more prepared...more experienced. lol As of the weekend before last I have become a Twilight reader. While it took me a whole week to finish the first book...it only took me the weekend to finish the second. I'm going to start reading the third tonight. Man what a cult. I can't believe I didn't start reading these when they first became popular though....I mean I LOVE vampire & werewolf crap. I won't sit through scary movies...but if it's got vampires or werewolves in it...I'm totally there. So now I'm so obsessed over these books I've jumped on the train with a few friends that are going to be buying shirts & seeing the movie the moment it comes out. I'm thinking this might be one of my reincarnated lives....either being a vampire or being bitten by a vampire....if I believe vampires exist(ed) does that mean I'm going to hell? hmm....I've been so busy at work & reading that I haven't even decorated for Halloween yet...I keep saying okay I'm going to decorate...but I have a strong feeling it won't happen until this weekend. Maybe then I'll be on book 4 & a lot less anxious....lol The weather is just so wonderful around here...it is Fall. Splendid times these are....

Realization

2008-09-24T21:09:00.005-04:00

The more I think about blogging, the more I just realize I want to state what my opinions have changed since the day before last. I'm all over the place lately. I'm dreading next week & the week after that as for it is the favorite time of the year for anyone in Acctg. Fiscal year end. Fun times...meaning long dreadful hours....long days....no sleep....lots of caffeine...and a bytchy attitude to boot (for I would just love to get out of my chair & visit with a co-worker for a few minutes...or surf the internet...perhaps looking up a new celebrity crush...which seriously happens every other day). The sleep is already dwindling & my movie selection has been cut to just comedies. I'm preparing myself...but still never really ready for it when it begins. So all this talk about my likes & dislikes let's elaborate....my new celebrity crush is Dane Cook (his sense of humor is wonderful, his laugh is infectious & his body is hot...but he's not cute...so it's really been bothering me b/c I want the full package...I know he'll grow on me soon...but I just want it to happen where I can say "Yes, I fully am in love with D.C"). lmao Vin & Bobby & George & Mark are still very much in the picture....but last week it was Topher Grace...then D.C. took over & he's still got my attention. lol For the last few weeks the air has changed...the wind has changed....it's Fall. No matter how hot it is outside...there's this cool breeze that goes by periodically that is just so refreshing. It makes me think the Hallo-give-mas (props to Munson for the name) season is here and will be wonderful. This is my favorite time of year. I imagine this weekend my lil sis & I will be decorating my apt with Halloween stuff. Now back to my Criminal Minds...which makes me ask the same old question..."what do I want to be when I grow up?".

Quirks and then some...

2008-09-17T23:26:00.006-04:00

Apparently when you've been around me for 36 hrs you realize I am a clean freak. My Aunts surprised me with this statement over the weekend. I had no idea I was being that cleanly, for I could of done a lot worse.
I've realized I'm a cult leader. I can't do anything on my own apparently. I always like to get a group together & do activities or get a group together to participate in getting a gift together for someone. I shall call them my minions.
Bath & Body Works has made a new line of fragrances entitled "Pink!". I'm hooked on the blackberry & vanilla perfume...it is quite delightful.
I'm a movie guru. I LOVE movies. A few of us girls are seeing My Best Friend's Girl Friday night. I can' wait! I have a new appreciation for Dane Cook's stand up comedy. It is so well thought out & he always finds a way to come back to one of his first bits. And he acts out some of the scenes. It's hilarious. If you haven't watched Vicious Circle yet...watch it!
I picked up Halloween crafts at Michael's last night for my little sis & I to work on for the next month. I also picked up extra paint...I think I'm going to start painting wine bottles. If I can find someone to drill holes in the bottoms where I can stick a strand of lights in the finished bottles that would be awesome...otherwise I'll just have a collection of...well...painted wine bottles. lol

Family get-together

2008-09-15T21:12:00.006-04:00

My Great Aunts are in from Oregon this month. I decided to take a day off last week & drive up to Jax to visit with them as well as my Grandma. Once I got there I learned a cousin from Tennessee was down with her friend as well staying at my Grandma's. It was a cramped house with only one bathroom but we got by. I was afraid I wouldn't remember these Aunts b/c quite frankly I couldn't remember them...until I went up there....once I saw their faces & heard their voices I was reminded of our big family reunion up in WV 10 years ago. I didn't think of them as strangers at all once I saw them. I was so relieved. My cousin remembers the last time she saw me though, that was back in my very young days...so I admitted I did not remember her. She had this very interesting quirk about her. After ever sentence she said she would pause...I guess waiting for a reaction/comment. I kept thinking of an actual dialogue b/t us all & after each of her sentences putting 'insert comment here'. I must say I've never heard anyone talk like that. She was very nice...but after hearing the same story over & over again...with of course the unnecessary pauses after every sentence...well it just got annoying. Friday the girls had already gone to the beach before I made it up there. Which gave me & my grandma some quality time together...just to catch up before the girls came back. Saturday my cousin & her friend woke up super early to drive over to the beach where they could watch the sunrise. While they were gone it was just lounging time. I helped out one of my Great Aunts (Velma) by cooking some of the things we'd be having for dinner that day. It was good quality time with the ladies. Once again in my grandma's house....it's just where the women always end up...in the kitchen....it feels like a time warp sometimes when I'm at my Grandma's...for normally I'm not that attached to the kitchen. lol Once the girls got back from the beach they scooped one of my Great Aunts (Judy) up to do a little thrift/yard sale shopping. I have to be in the mood for that type of thing...so I decided to stay home with my Grandma & my other G.A. Velma then too. The girls got back around the time we finished making dinner. We all sat down & pretty much just talked about family history. My grandma & my Great Aunts would chime in every once in a while when my cousin couldn't get the names of our ancestors right. I was in awe of my cousin b/c I had no idea I had/have that many cousins...and that most of the women in my family (on my mother's side) had at least 5 kids....and not only did my Grandma lose a set of twins but her mother did too...and none of her siblings ever had twins. It's just interesting to learn all these things...but then try to tie it back to all those things you learned in Biology & the whole Genetics chapter we studied for half the year. Saturday night the rest of my family (except my Mom & my little sister & my Uncle & his family from VA) came over & stayed for a few hours. That was just so great. My Great Aunts got to meet all of my Grandma's great grandkids for the first time. I think it was a battle of the cameras that night. Both of my Great Aunts & my cousin had out the cameras...just snapping photos left & right. But it was just like Thanksgiving or Christmas. It was so nice to be together like that especially with our Great Aunts whom most of us hadn't seen since we were babies. Sunday my G.A. Velma & I decided to do a little shopping for food & such that they might need while no one is around in the middle of the week. While we were grocery shopping a pineapple cake mix almost jumped in cart...so I helped it find it's home....mixed up in a bowl, spread over pineapples, brown sugar & cherries & served at my Grandma's. It was so nice to be in the kitchen cooking/baking for them. I'm already summoned to make a chocolate cake, pumpkin bread & possibly a cheesecake for the next time I return in 2 weeks. That's when my Great Uncle from Indiana will be down & my Uncle that lives in VA & his wife will be down too. I hope my family can all get together that day too. That would just be superb....while I'm sure it's so exciting/enjoyable for my Grandma & her siblings to see us all together...it's enjoyable to me too!!!

Vacant

2008-08-18T21:26:00.006-04:00

It is move in & move out time here in town. It has been dead around here for the last few days. Move out here was on the 11th & with all the different cleaning people being around...it is officially unoccupied except for us very few that renewed our leases. For some odd reason I feel safer. Not constantly looking over my shoulder as I walk to my bedroom from the living room in the dark. lol There's a hurricane on the way. I'm not worried about those anymore either. I feel safe here. In fact I can't wait for the storms to come in. As I watered my plants on the patio this evening (which I'm sure they won't need by tomorrow) the calm, cool wind that breezed by was so comforting. A deep breath in....and the enjoyment of the dark dreary skies....gives me an energetic boost. I really do think my home is in Seattle. The rainy, cold/cool weather....is just refreshing. Now of course when the trees start bending over & taking out power lines....that's pushing it. :) I've been noticing my changes in taste again...or maybe just realizing tastes in things lately. I'm on a coconut kick....the smell at least. Soaps, lotions, air fresheners, even baking with it. I think I have a new crush on Rick Fox. I watched Meet the Browns a few weeks back...and was just intrigued by this guy. He wasn't attractive initially but of course as with life once the actor's character started forming you grew to like him, appreciate him, and even be in awe of him. But there was still something...not right about him.....I mean he's no Vin Diesel. As I express myself to a friend who knows who he is...she agreed with me 100%. It's easy....he just happens to stumble into bad lighting a lot., she explained. lol I watched The Notebook last night (it was conveniently on TV, even though I have the DVD, when it comes on TV I just have to watch it...lol)...and once again I start pondering is there really someone out there that could love me as much as Noah loved/adored/admired Allie. It makes me want to believe it. But honest to goodness I don't think I could let someone get that close to me. I'm damaged goods. I have bad genes. And I'm pretty bytchy. Sucks to be me...huh? :) So I'll just go about life trying to make others happy by sharing my baked goods. :) I've been thinking about volunteering lately. I watched The Ultimate Gift over the weekend & it just drew to me wanting to help out even more. That movie was sooo cute! Somehow I didn't cry through that movie (but cried watching The Notebook for the 100th time!). Once Fiscal year is over I hope I do get involved with some charity. I think it just cleanses your soul...knowing that you're doing for others...and not just walking around being selfish all the time (which I do!). Just a personal opinion at least. Well everyone stay safe! That's enough thoughts for the day. :)

Tired and then some...

2008-08-06T21:16:00.004-04:00

For some odd reason this week has been tiresome. I hate to say it but I've been waiting for the weekend ever since Monday (before I came to work). It's official I hate Mondays....but the week is just not any better. I haven't had my little sister for the last 2 weekends (she's had stuff going on) so I'm eager to have her this weekend...but a friend at work is having her annual pool party that is always a blast on Saturday. And I'd really like to go. So I hope my brother will be able to watch her some on Sat. while I attend that. A different friend & I were talking at work the other day about how kids nowadays don't have descent cartoons to watch. The only thing on Disney & Nickelodeon anymore are like real TV shows...with real actors. Hannah Montana, iCarly, Suite Life of Zack & Cody, etc. Occasionally when my sister is over we'll watch Scooby Doo together because yes, I'm still a kid at heart & enjoy watching old cartoons every once in a while. After us having this discussion I decided I wanted to see what 80's cartoons were on DVD & were available through Netflix. I found a whole bunch. And am totally excited. I think I'm going to get Inspector Gadget & Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers for now. I also want her to watch movies like The Neverending Story & Pagemaster eventually. Just good wholesome kid movies that we grew up on. :) lol Recently I did make her watch a few episodes of Alf with me...and she actually liked it. So that worked out. lol
Well I hope everyone else is having a good week & their week continues to get better. :)

Missing you....

2008-08-03T10:16:00.002-04:00

After having lunch Friday for a friend that is leaving work to move up to Jax & inviting a very dear friend to meet us for lunch, it just kind of hit me. I really, really miss all my friends that have moved away or friends I don't see as often as I used to. It was so great getting to catch up with Peeky. Her smile & wholesomeness brought me back to the days that were just more upbeat. I was surrounded by a lot of positive friends...granted work is work & we all get stressed now & then...it's just my whole hallway...has changed. With this being said I must tell what I miss most about each of you....
Kelly - I miss your creative/intelligent mind always being around. If I had any kind of idea or wanted to do something you could always put in your 2¢ & make my idea turn into sunshine. And of course I miss our laughing sessions that would always end with both of us in tears (from laughing so hard). I miss the wine chats...the Kellyokes...the doggie stories (those girls were always up to something).
Sarah - I miss your laugh the MOST! I miss having someone to talk to about The Office. I miss hearing about how far along the baby is. And all the things that are growing each day. I miss playing cards at lunch time...even though Jenn was always the sore loser. :)
Odie - I miss your jokes. Your creative-ness as well. Because once again with my ideas you would present something even better than I had thought. I miss your creative projects you would do on your own as well. I still have all the stuff you created...even the birthday cup. Sad I know....
Tara - I miss your 'tara-licious' statements/creations the most (I still have your St. Auggie crest). Or the 'my momma said'. lol I miss the upbeat-ness or wild dating stories you brought to our hallway. And I always think of you when someone mentions The Starter Wife.
Aspen - I miss seeing Kaitlen pictures every day. I miss your laugh too. I miss sharing the same ghetto songs or 90's songs together. But I still talk to you often & get to see you when you come into town...
Sherra - I miss your laugh too. I miss the gossip you always heard around the office (some of it was true)...lol...I miss having our lunches together...even if it was short. We need to do lunch sometime soon!
Lori F. - I miss you just always being there. Picking blueberries together. Going to St. Auggie together. I just miss the time we shared together. The p.m.'s you used to have that I now have all ask about you....I think you were their fav. biller :) It's been a while since we talked I need to call you soon.....
Peeky - I do miss your smile & wholesomeness (as I said above). I miss the Stinky stories. You had so much more of social life than any of us....it was always entertaining to hear about your recent outings. I miss stories from the 'other' hallway...of course with you not being there anymore...kind of changes things. But you were/are always so positive. You just bring this energetic/positive vibe with you. While you're still in the same town as me...I know you're really busy/stressed with your new job...I don't want you to feel guilty by any means of why we don't see each other that much. Of course you do need to have that house warming party/parade of homes. :)
Karen - I miss your laugh. I miss the chocolate jokes. I miss the lunches we all had together (even when you tried to torture me with country music on the rides back). I miss your wanna be innocence that we would always call you on when someone referenced an innuendo. :) I missed your baked goods that you would always bring in...that banana bread is my fav! I still talk to you often & see you every time you come into town too....

This blog could turn into a book. You guys are not listed in any kind of order. I miss all of you sooo much. Even though we don't talk that much...I still know we'll never lose our friendship. I just wanted to make a blog dedicated to you all. Love you guys! :)

Doggie duty

2008-07-21T19:43:00.002-04:00

I've been dog-sitting for a good week now. It's a sad realization I don't want a dog right now(just the previous week I visited the pound in hopes to find my little sister's dog that I lost while dog sitting for my parents a few weeks ago & fell in LOVE with a siberian husky...and all the other dogs in there...I wanted to walk out with one so bad..but I can't have dogs at my apt...)...having to revolve my entire day around a dog is no fun. The first thing I tend to when I get up in the morning, the first thing I tend to when I get home from work & the last thing to tend to before I go to bed. Too much. The first night of walking her should of been an indication or a sign that maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I encountered a (huge) cockroach & a snake on my first walk. Snakes don't bother me, but roaches & spiders are a WHOLE different thing. Granted I was outside so I didn't freak out. However come this past Friday I was walking up to the door & the porch light didn't come on like it normally did.....so I was unable to see the human sized spider web I walked into. The light came on in perfect time to let me see the dayum spider was hanging from my hand by part of the web (the rest was all over my body!). Cold chills were sent all over my body. Screams that I'm sure even topped my dolphins pitches were shouted. And I'm pretty sure a few "Oh, Gods" were shouted as well. I hate, hate spiders. Spiders have kicked me out of my own bedroom before. Twice in my life. Once when I was little & another about a year ago. Talk about arachnophobia! I'm going to count that as my third 'wrong' of dog sitting for this particular time. I think I'm hanging up the leashes....I don't see myself doing this again. Sad but true.

Thoughts...

2008-07-06T08:57:00.003-04:00

I realized the other day as I was going to lunch with a few friends & said something along the lines of 'yea he's one of the few that's made something of himself' - referring to a well known new lawyer here in town that has billboards of his practice - I graduated high school with him. Then I went on to say 'besides the few that went to play for the NFL'. 'Those will be the ones recognized at our high school reunion'. Doesn't that sound awful. Only those people are the ones that have made something of themselves (?)....per my words. So then I had to think what does it mean 'to make something of one self'? I think my thought is with becoming famous, well-known...that's my idea of 'making something of one self'. The more I think of it that was such a shallow statement. Granted I'm not going to shine on my life (I've been doing the same thing career wise since I WAS doing in high school...just a better position...not to say much for me)...but we have to know there were I'm sure quite a few that joined the service & were stationed or are stationed in Iraq right now (still). Those are people that have made something of themselves. I think I don't value the ones that have gotten married & started families either. Mainly because probably at least 75% of the females I graduated with already were married & had kids by the age of 20. Depressing. I think you need to grow up a little, experience the real world, make your own money & have responsibility for your own life before bringing another person in it. Wow! I'm so critical today...actually this is what I think normally....man I'm a bad seed. To write what you feel & then read what you feel....sometimes I think I'm a little embarrassed about my opinions. I am a shallow person.

SWF seeking...

2008-07-05T20:31:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking lately of all the qualities I would like to find in a guy that I could settle down with:
1. Must resemble Vin Diesel
2. Must have Vin's deep voice (so sexy)
3. Must have blue or green eyes
4. Has to be a dog lover (preferably already owning a Siberian Husky to be specific...and of course willing to adopt new dogs from the pound)
5. Must have a stable/legal job (don't have time or patience for 'hustlers')
6. Must enjoy movies as much as I do (not just horror films)
7. Must love baked goods (especially mine) :)
8. Must have a nice car (preferably an RX8)
9. Appreciates great 'ink' work (preferably already having one himself...that isn't a heart with his momma's name in it...or another girl's name in it)
10. Must believe in monogamous relationships (I believe this is becoming an extinct species)
11. Must have a controlled temper (there will be no hitting, throwing or punching items or myself)
12. Acceptable age range (28-38 yrs old)
13. Must enjoy playing board/dvd games
14. Must like football (college & pro)

These are in no way in a particular order...nor do the first three really count...it would just be a GREAT thing. If you know of a man that is fitting 11 of these 14 qualifications please contact me immediately! :)

Babies & thoughts...

2008-06-17T20:18:00.004-04:00

This year a few guys I have crushes on....are now fathers. And I'm not the baby momma. There is a problem. First it was Deo. Now it's Vin! Disappointment. Devastation. However, I still love Vin. I was telling a coworker today that I saw a preview for Babylon AD that comes out on Aug 29th (Vin is the main actor) over the weekend. Granted I'm not into those movies....but the mere thought Vin is in it....had me at hello. Literally. As I was reminiscing about seeing the trailer over the weekend, my coworker asked me what the movie was about....I looked at him & was trying to tell him something that it could be about & I was like "really I just heard Vin's voice...and I looked at my brother & told him I had to see it". My brother's response was of course 'no you don't'. lol My coworker just started dying laughing. A friend pointed out a very interesting comment the other day. I would go see any kind of movie with Vin in it....even if it was a bad re-make of Free Willy. lmao
After seeing The Happening this weekend I've made a general observation about M. Night. Has anyone ever noticed all of his movies are about confinement? I brought this up with my brother tonight as I was talking to him on the phone. His girlfriend heard me saying this on the phone & immediately chimed in with an agreement of my statement. My brother said there was a mock documentary done on M.N.S. They said he lived in a small house while growing up. And is claustrophobic. So I guess my observation could be correct. Now if only I can prove the Disney & hating his mother conspiracy. Of course I'm the only one on this band wagon b/c there is no documentation that Walt Disney disliked his mother or was beaten by his mother or had an evil stepmother. But there is not one Disney film where the mother exists or lives through the end of the movies. Ya agree?

SATC & Savannah

2008-06-08T13:11:00.014-04:00

It is way long overdue that I write about my busy/fantastic weekend that involved seeing Sex & the City with a few friends & our trip to Savannah. That weekend (May 30-June 1) started off by me taking half the day off & driving down to Tampa to see Sex & the City with a friend whom I've promised since there were rumors of a movie developing that we would see it together. Since she's drove all the way up here twice for me this was my 2nd trip down to see her. We got tickets to an early show (4-ish) so we didn't have to fight the crowds trying to get a good seat. Our theatre was pretty full but not packed. I guess a lot of people didn't read up or see the previews of what the movie might entail. There were a few gasps of where the stories were heading with each character. I personally already knew. While there could of been crying I refrained. It was soo nice to see everyone back together for an extended show (a.k.a. movie). The movie I think was 2 & a half hours long...but you get so involved in it...it seriously feels like a long episode on TV. I liked it. My friend who is a HUGE SATC fan thought it could of been better. After the movie we had dinner at a local pizzeria. They had wonderful pizza. Then we came back home only to go back out to Borders for some book shopping. As soon as we walked in there was a whole display of SATC books/magazines. My friend immediately picked up the SATC movie book. I was intrigued but once I saw the price ($30) I announced (loudly apparently) that, that was a rip off & I would buy it online the next day. 2 hours passed & we were still shopping & looking around. It was nice...I love bookstores. They're so laid back & call me really weird I love the smell of a new book store. I ended up buying The City of Falling Angels by John Berendt (the guy that wrote Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil) & a few magazines that had SATC stuff in it. Once we got back to her place we pulled out all of our SATC stuff & just read it to ourselves. The next morning I had to leave early (8a.m.) to turn the rental car back in before noon. On my way back home I passed about 80 army trucks. Once I passed the first 50 I called my brother to ask if we were going into war or something (crying of course). My brother was like "calm down what's going on?" I was so upset....I don't know if it was the thought of looking at all these heroes on the road or maybe me thinking or feeling like I was in the middle of a war (seeing all these Army trucks in front of you & in your rear view mirror). He tried to make me feel better & said "maybe they're having a gun show". Of course I kind of smirked but then hung up & just cried pretty much my whole way back home. I hate to think negatively sometimes but all I could think of was these guys driving beside me willing to risk their lives for ours. A LOT of people have died in the last few years for nothing to show over in Iraq & Afghanistan. It's just sad. But at the same time heroic. Enough about my views on politics.
After I returned home I had just enough time to unpack, buy the SATC book on-line & fill up the rental car with gas before having to return it. I went to Target afterwards to pick up my last needed items for a friend's baby shower that I had also promised I would be at. The baby shower took place at a church. A co-worker/friend said that she would pick me up where we could drive together (she lives nearby). I thought that was a wonderful idea so I talked my friend (Bernie) into meeting us over at my apt where we could all ride together. Once we got there we were unpacking her truck with all the gifts when a cute guy (that reminds me of a guy I went to high school with who had a crush on me...but by the time I realized it, it was too late) came walking up with a baby in his arms (now I was automatically thinking he was taken...but the baby momma wasn't anywhere in-sight & I didn't see a ring on his finger). He hesitated & asked if anyone had a pen. The girls answered before I could. So I immediately started throwing the gifts back in the truck asking if he needed someone to hold the baby. I knew his answer was going to be yes that's why I was throwing the gifts back in the truck so quickly. The baby & I shared a bond. Surprising because most babies don't like me (but then again I'm convinced every time I hold one it's usually at work & they probably are feeling my 'hostile' vibe) because my baby cousins don't cry when I hold them. Once we were in the baby shower my whole focus was that baby & we learned 'uncle'. We were never formally introduced. Just volunteered babysitters (a table full of women). The shower was way too laid back & not that active for a few of us. A former co-worker was there & we learned that we had both seen SATC the night before. But we didn't want to ruin it for my friends that I rode with so we would whisper things every once in a while reminiscing about the movie. The baby was our entertainment. Somehow he still loved me...when he would get fussy with someone I would reach out my arms to see if he wanted to come back to me & he would open up his arms wanting to come back to me. I was trying to prove myself to this baby to prove myself to the uncle...or at least get the uncle's attention b/c he was very cute. But thinking about it now...I'm not so sure I should make myself look so good with babies when I don't plan on having any in my lifetime. After the baby shower I walked out to the car (minus the uncle) to realize I was being kidnapped to go see SATC again with my friends. I was most worried about me giving away some of the parts...so I sat a few seats away from them. I was finishing movie lines & laughing before parts would come up. I knew I would. The girls loved the movie so I was very happy I went again. Once I got home around 9:30 I wanted to do a few loads of laundry because Sunday we were going to Savannah (EARLY...talking 4:30 early) & I wouldn't have time to do them. I crashed around midnight. Then was woken up by an alarm clock that I think did a time warp because I felt like I didn't get any sleep at all. I picked up my friend (Bernie ) around 5 that morning & we drove to my mom's house where she could drive to meet up with everyone up in Jax to be on our way to Savannah (we had to be there at 7:30). We got there a little bit early but I don't think Bernie or I minded. I just wanted to be there in time. Our bus ride there was nothing fantastic...just very relaxing. I think we both got a little sleep. Once we got there I was instant smiles. The town is just beautiful. Filled with history & beautiful historic houses. Our first stop was The Lady & Sons restaurant for lunch. I did find stuff on the buffet (nothing healthy of course). No Bobby Deen sightings. But I did get to see Jamie (his brother, married brother). While we were eating (we were on the 1st floor, I guess that's where all the large parties get seated) I looked out of the window only to see Jamie, his wife (Brooke), 2 other people (none of them Bobby) & their baby (Jack) just walking by, behind the restaurant. I said very calmly apparently was "There's Jamie. There's Jamie Deen.". Nobody knew who I was talking about at my table! Of course this brought a bigger smile to my day because I had it set in my mind that Bobby was going to be around somewhere. lol I was hoping that once we got through eating, Jamie would be in the gift shop signing stuff. (Which my friend that had the baby shower on Sat. was the friend that ate at this restaurant specifically on her anniversary where she could pick me up a few gifts - and conveniently enough when they went Bobby & Jamie were there signing stuff). The next few hours were spent shopping on the River. It was just beautiful. The quaint little shops & a pirate that was a little bit creepy. It was good times. Hot but good times. Needless to say the bus ride back home a lot of people were napping. We hit pretty bad rain on our way back into Jax. But we needed it (we still do). It's pretty dry here in FL. We made it back home around 10 Sunday night. It was a very busy, long weekend. But it was so nice at the same time. I picked up tons of postcards, so be on the look out my dear friends. :)

And it's a wrap...

2008-05-26T20:54:00.005-04:00

What a WONDERFUL weekend I had. It was busy..but it was so nice to sleep in 3 days in a row. Friday was h*ll. It was month end plus me having to process timesheets that day as well b/c of the holiday. So I was stuck at work till 7:30-ish that night. But a little retail therapy at Wally World cheered me up afterwards. Saturday was such a leisure-ful day. I did wash clothes & clean...but that's pretty normal for me. I went over to my bro's & played Rock Band for many hours. I attempted to play the drums this time & actually made it through a few songs...then I sang The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars & actually beat it this time. I can never get my voice right for that song...considering it's nothing but yelling but I always fail us out within the first few lines of the song. I made it all the way through this time & did dayum good. It was GREAT times...I'm sure my bro's neighbors were like 'what the fuhq is that noise'? lol I lost track of time badly. I was suppose to go to a friend's 'fight night' b/c I didn't have my little sister but when my bro's roomie came home he wanted to go out & shoot some pool but he needed to get a shower, blah blah...so me & my bro kept playing & singing....next thing I know it's 10 p.m. (that means we were playing rock band for about 5 hours!). At that point I knew it was too late to go to the party so I went out with the guys & shot some pool. We got to play some great songs on the Juke & we played doubles so it was great fun! lol The bouncer was kind of cute too so I would make a little eye contact & smile his way sometimes. But I was not dressed up at all. I was not looking at all done up. Otherwise I might of walked up to him & talked to him...had a few more drinks...and made out with him? lol kidding. Sunday was an eventful day as well. My bro decided that since my step dad couldn't cook out for us on Monday (b/c he's doing bone marrow transfusions for his brother again...the first time didn't take) we would cook out for them. So Sunday after I lounged around for a bit I started cooking & baking for Monday. We had to take my step dad to the hospital for his 2nd shot Sunday night. We didn't watch but we knew what to expect after he got done...it's VERY painful. The shots make the marrow seep into your blood stream for a couple of days...that's apparently how they extract it from your body. It was actually not cool to hear about it. B/c apparently you're only suppose to do this every 6 months but his brother's transfusion didn't take the first time & he's doing REALLY bad that they are only waiting 60 days to do the 2nd one. I just don't know. Anyhow so Sunday I baked a spice cake, chocolate chip cookies (for my stepdad...b/c with this kind of stuff he craves sweets...and since he's doing something really really thoughtful I could justify making an extra effort on baking him something - he's been an *ss in the past) & the deviled eggs (Odie's not so fav. thing to hear about). :) I got everything done before we had to take him to the hospital that night. We had planned to go to Super Wally World once we got back from the hospital with my step dad b/c gas is getting ridiculously high and Wally World is all the way across town, close to my parent's house. So once we got my step dad back home we were on a mission! We found everything but the chicken...so my brother decided to stop by Publix on the way to my mom's on Monday. Back home I stayed up late again just relaxing & watching movies. Monday after I slept in late I realized I really shouldn't have slept in. I woke up & started cooking immediately b/c I was suppose to be at my mom's in an hour. So it was rush, rush, rush at this point. Which isn't cool on your day off. BUT I made it there....with hot food & remembered all the things I made the previous day (which btw I realized after baking my spice cake Sunday in my bundt pan that all my cake carriers are with my friends or at my grandma's....so when life hands you a non use able shaped cake - make a trifle...so I picked up some apple pie filling & cool whip while I was at Wally World Sunday night. I added cinnamon & vanilla extract to the cool whip & made a trifle...which turned out GREAT!). Our menu consisted of ribs, chicken, hot dogs(all meats courtesy of my bro), cole slaw, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, rolls, baked beans, deviled eggs, corn on the cob & my apple spice trifle. Delicious...delicious...delicious. My bro's roomie & his girlfriend were over & helped us put a dent in the food. It was like a mini Thanksgiving. It was nice. After playing a few games with my little sister it was time to come home & unwind. This upcoming weekend is going to be SUPER busy (visiting a friend on Friday, got a friend's baby shower to be at on Saturday & then Sunday waking up at 4 a.m. to go to Savannah with my Aunts, mom, lil sis & Bernie). I can't wait! So I'm going to try to rest this week...work won't be that stressful so I think it might work out.

Hope everyone had a WONDERFUL & safe holiday! :)

Thankful

2008-05-22T22:15:00.003-04:00

...for a 3 day weekend. I have no idea what all I'm going to do (ya know cuz 3 days is a long time!). lol My little sister has her own plans this weekend. She will be at Wild Adventures with her girl scout group. I know one day for sure my bro & his roomies are going to finish up watching Treasure Hunters with me. Tomorrow will be a monster to get through though. It's month end. And on top of that we have to process payroll earlier than normal...so there's more stress than normal. I know I can make it. I just don't look forward to it. I must embrace it & just think of the 3 day weekend it'll all be worth for. :)

Hope everyone has a wonderful & safe holiday weekend.

Rain...rain....

2008-05-11T21:46:00.008-04:00

...where are you? It was suppose to rain all day today...but I don't think it did. At least not in Jax*. Yesterday I spent the later part of the day in the kitchen baking & making deviled eggs for today. I had tons of cookies & deviled eggs & a butter pecan cake to take to my grandma's. I was super excited. Once we got there we helped set up everything & tidy up before the rest of the family came over. My Aunt went with my food suggestion but then told me she would of rather went out to dinner than doing what we do each time....I told her 'well next time we can order pizza'. She said Jennifer (my cousin) suggested that....I said 'you could of went with her then...you didn't have to pick my decision'. She wasn't mad...and she enjoys cooking & baking just like I do but I know she was just frustrated. After all the family got together everything was going good...until all of sudden my cousin (Jennifer) & my Aunt came running in from the backyard into the kitchen to the living room, holding one of my little cousins. You could tell Jennifer was about to cry. I had no idea what was going on...but told everyone to move out of the way...and held everyone back while my Aunt grabbed her purse & they took my little cousin to the ER. After they were gone I asked my uncle what happened. Well apparently....adult supervision isn't always enough. It turns out Jennifer was actually in the backyard when it happened...but my little cousin (Court) was climbing on the fence trying to play with the doggie next door and Jennifer yelled at her to get down...next thing you know the kid is dangling by her chin from the fence. Apparently she slipped while trying to get down & had a piece of the fence in her chin (under her neck). My cousin said she was literally dangling from the fence...arms hanging beside her & all. Now when they came running in from out back originally I did a quick glance over of her in Jennifer's arms...looking for blood or ant bites (that's happened a couple of times too). I didn't see anything. When they left I was very concerned for Lauren (the sister of the one that got hurt) and for Court...it was like too much on my mind. I was trying to make Lauren who got left behind to feel comfortable considering her mom, her little sister, her grandma (her dad works for Customs & got called away for the weekend...so he wasn't even there) all had left. She was just kind of there....with no one to play with (not all the kids were there yet) and the guys were watching the Indiana Jones marathon on USA. She went in a spare bedroom & closed the door to play with her toys. Now maybe I should look into becoming a psychologist...but I was more worried about her at this point than the one that was on the way to the ER. Considering I didn't see blood with that one, I was hoping everything was going to be OK. So I went in the bedroom & told her to at least keep the door open (b/c my grandma only has window air conditioners in her house & the one in the spare bedroom where she was playing wasn't on). I asked her if she wanted me to put on a movie, I'd kick the boys off the TV....if she just wanted to play in front of the TV(?). If she wanted to sit in the living room at all(?). She just kind of sat there on the floor...saying no. Finally my cousin came in & was like 'are you okay darling'....she looked up at him (this was her uncle) & she was like 'yea'. But I just felt so bad for her. I mean we're family & everything...it's just sometimes some of my little cousins are a little more shy than we were when we were growing up. It just still kind of saddens me. But here I am thinking if only it was suppose to rain like it was supposed to of...my little cousin wouldn't of been out there playing in the first place. Things happen for a reason...but it makes you wonder a lot sometimes. My one aunt who is very superficial & has battled weight gain most of her life...said once they left for the ER that 'at least it's not on her face...where she'll get a scar & have to live with it all her life'. OK WTF? Let's just make sure the kid is okay. It'll be a story to tell later on in life...c'mon now. But once my cousin & Aunt returned with my little cousin from the hospital the doctors told her how lucky she was. It was deep (only 4 stitches though) but if it had gone to the left or right at all things could of been damaged...and this way she won't have a scar. I don't know that's just the last thing I worry about sometimes. My grandma told me some other bad news when we first got there today: her best friend's husband died Friday. Apparently he was eaten up with cancer....once he found out he had cancer....he only lived 3 weeks after. Apparently it was literally all over his body. Insane! I just worry sometimes with my brain issues & my grandfather continually having brain tumors that grew in his brain....
BUT we're not going to think any more bad things today. I came home to watch more of The Office (I'm VERY addicted to this show). And I'm now watching Seinfeld....both of these will have to put me in a better mood. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend (despite reading this blog).

*Because of the lack of rain I had a baby cousin that ended up being rushed to the ER today & was fighting dusty strong winds all day while driving to & from Jax.

Homesick

2008-05-09T22:31:00.003-04:00

Most of my childhood I spent at my grandma's. It was when I started working in high school that my time got limited as to when I could drive up there on my own & spend time with her. I have ditched friends a couple of times to spend the weekend with my grandma. But it has definitely been a while. I talked to my grandma last nite about Mother's Day. No matter what...we all gather at my grandma's on Mother's Day. After making a great decision on the food choice I'm super excited. We're doing picnic-y food (hamburgers, hot dogs, etc my Aunt always tries to keep it simple - except Thanksgiving). Maybe it's the thought of making a suggestion and someone liking it and the thought of making plans in advance that I like the most. So now I have to think of what all I'm going to make. Deviled eggs for sure (sorry Odie) and I'm sure some baked goods. We're also going to be taking my mom to lunch tomorrow for Mother's Day. I remembered this morning that the book sale is this weekend too. I hope she's up for that. And I hope they have Hannibal (I debated for a long time while I was there last time if I could read it or not....I can sit through the movies...but reading might be a little different).
Have a great weekend & Happy Mother's Day. :)

Aimee & Odie's Wedding...

2008-05-07T21:59:00.003-04:00

It's been a very long time since I last posted...and I thought well....what better way to start up again than writing about a wonderful wedding I attended over this past weekend. My best guy friend got married in Tampa to a beautiful, wonderful girl. The weather was wonderful and the wedding took place right on the beach (pretty much, we were maybe 10 ft away from the shore...well maybe more than that). I felt like I was in that movie '27 Dresses' b/c one of my fav. parts of a wedding is turning back looking at the expression on the guy's face when the bride is starting to walk down the aisle. And there it was my Odie already getting teary eyed....I almost started crying too. It was when they were exchanging their vows & them only both being able to say each other's names before they started crying is when I started crying. I looked over at my best friend & she was crying too. It was just so sweet. After the wedding we attended the reception inside. It took place in the grand ball room at the Rusty Pelican. There was a gorgeous view of the surrounding beach out of the 2 (of 4) walls being ceiling to floor windows. It was like the room was built on a dock b/c we were out in the middle of the water. So there was occasional pelicans that flew by. If I could get a playlist of the music they played it would be a treasure. They played awesome songs (except the Electric Slide). "Brody & Aimee Soundtrack" It could be a best seller. Everytime they played a song, I was like "I love this song". So good music choice Odie & Aimee! I couldn't let loose and rip off John's shirt again just to make Odie laugh b/c I was the designated driver. I think I regret that. Drinking there and then being able to join the after party in 202 would of just been great. I'm sorry Odie!! I'm sure it was a great bash. I made some baked goods for their honeymoon/plane ride. I don't know if they remembered to take them. But it's the thought that counts...right? :) And now the wonderful couple are currently in Hawaii, with hopefully not a care on their minds except each other. I can't wait to see pictures (of the scenery). :)

Rambling thoughts...

2008-04-21T22:23:00.003-04:00

After a decent sized chat with a good friend today at work on genetics....it dawned on me....I never do want to bring a child of my genes into this world. Some have said it's selfish of me...but I really think...it's better this way. I've been joking for a while about only having B.D's babies. But even then (I know like it's a good possibility?..but still) I just think of all I would have to go through with the pregnancy. My friend at work is pregnant & she just found out it's a boy!!! How exciting!!! It made me think for just a moment...I would love to have a boy...I would love an excuse to have a belly....boys would be so cute...but then back to reality....okay too many genetic problems in my family. The medicine I'm on for my epilepsy would cause serious problems (when I got put on this medicine the neurologist made me start taking prescription strength folic acid b/c the medicine could cause either birth defects...or miscarriages)...I know there's a way they could possibly wean me off of them where I could carry around a 'parasite' (as House would call it)...but there would be sooo many problems. Then there was the topic of marriage with my friend at work too. We both agree that people don't understand what 'marriage' really is. Most people go into marriages way toooo early...or just do it b/c they got pregnant. I personally do not value marriages b/c I come from a family of divorces. In theory I know how & what a marriage should be...but that's a HUGE commitment I don't want to have to deal with when things fall apart. See....just no value of marriage with me at all. I think it's great if someone is willing to be along for my journey through life with me...but if not...I'm pretty happy with life the way it is. I'm still stuck with wondering if I want to change my careers....and then there's a small thought...I wouldn't mind just opening my bakery now. Meet new people, baking, making others happy, my own hours, my own schedule....but then I have to worry about getting insurance on my own...lol...hmmm...maybe if I cut down to part time at my current job & owned my own business...is that legal? hmmm.... Anyhow I'm in love with Patrick Dempsey right now (okay & Bobby D & Marky Mark...and of course Vin Diesel still too) I found this cheesy made for TV movie via Netflix a while back (Lucky Seven). I absolutely love this movie. I'm watching it tonite b/c I haven't seen it in a while. Made of Honor comes out on May 3rd....I can't wait to see that. I have a wedding to attend that weekend which I'm totally excited about. I hope their wedding is everything they want it to be & that there's wonderful weather that day. That reminds me I need to check on the bride....I've been checking on the groom but he's just a tad busy lately. lol

Such a pretty day

2008-04-13T13:15:00.005-04:00

I love it when it's nice & cool out. Nice breeze. Somewhat sunny...dreary is fine with me as well. This morning my little sister & I watched a few movies & now it's just still relax time. I can't do much with her today (nor yesterday) b/c she's got bronchitis & is on all kinds of meds. So it's take everything easy with her time. Yesterday we went to a book sale where I found more Michael Connelly books...and the one I NEEDED! lol I apparently picked up a book the last time & didn't realize it was a sequel. They had Hannibal...which I kept going back to. I just didn't know if I could actually read it. The movies are good...but reading a book that was going to be in more detail & more haunting I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to read it. I didn't end up getting it as you can tell. I'm on a huge Michael Connelly kick right now. After that we met a friend up for lunch. It was really nice catching up with her. We went to Target & ran into Becky while we were there....small world. lol But I found a funky purse that I really liked. So I bought that...scooped it up almost immediately after seeing it. It was on sale too! Gotta love that. We also picked up a few small plants that we're going to try to grow. I have my Sable Palm still from a very good friend that moved out to AZ last year, sunflowers & now we'll have tomatoes & daisies to grow. Since it's cold out for the next few days though I'm holding back on putting them outside & starting the whole 'growing' process. After a little while I'll be taking my little sister back to my mom's b/c she needs to REALLY relax for tomorrow (she's been on Spring Break this past week)....she's just so sick...it's so sad. After that I think I'm going to try to call my very good friend out in AZ. It's been a long while since I've talked to her. We just recently sent her a birthday card from the group at the office (her b-day is Tues). I hope she gets it in time.
Anyhow hope everyone's weekend is going well &/or has. :)

Huge crush

2008-04-06T20:53:00.002-04:00

I watched Shooter the other nite for the first time. I really liked the movie. It was a good story....and it had a SUPER fine actor in it. All this time I've been drooling over Vin, George Eads, The Rock, Bobby Deen, etc, etc....how could I forget about Marky Mark? lol I remember seeing Fear 4 times in the theatre just b/c of him. That man is fine & hasn't lost his looks or his body at all. I watched We Own the Night 2 weeks ago as well. So I've been seeing a lot of Marky Mark in the last few weeks. In Shooter it did not help that there was a scene where he was laying on the bed with just a sheet covering up the areas...well we're not suppose to see....on TV. :) I looked up the video for Marky Mark & the Funky bunch on You tube the nite after I watched Shooter b/c a friend at work did not know why me & another friend call Mark Wahlberg - Marky Mark. So I sent her the video in an email but once I found it, I had to watch it. Typical 80's it was....but it still had him in it...and him w/o a shirt. With all this still being so fresh in my mind I decided to watch Fear tonite. I probably haven't watched it in a year. He still looks the same even from back in the 90's. I imagine he is very self centered, arrogant & shallow...but he's easy on the eyes...and therefore is my most recent crush for now. Which might change back to Vin next week. :)

It's been a while....

2008-04-01T20:49:00.004-04:00

since I blogged. I would play catch-up but it's really not that important. The MOD walk was this past weekend....I was SUPER excited. My friend spent the nite where we could get there together early in the morning.....we got there somewhat early. lol Once we got there I realized I left my Nike transmitter that connects to my iPod at home. I was soooooooooo bummed. When the heck do I walk 9.6 miles at once? lol But I was still able to listen to music....so it could of been worse I guess. My brother has been walking with me the last few years....he can keep up with me....when I get tired he'll push me & vice versa. It's great. My old best friend was the same way. I've been doing this walk since high school...ya think it'd be a breeze by now. lol Those hills get me every year...but I actually tackled them well this year. We beat our time from last year (those who know me, know I'm very competitive...and while the MOD walk is NOT a race I don't want to be walking all day so I time myself & have a time limit for myself to get it finished). I wasn't that sore this year either. I guess I was so excited & pumped for it....I was ready for it physically as well as mentally. Weird. The weather was perfect...it was just a great walk. I went to the chiropractor today to get all adjusted from it....the build isn't so good on the back & mix running with it....it's a not so good...but surprisingly enough I was only out in 2 places. Today wasn't too stressful at work...so today has been a great day. I went on a 3.5 mile walk when I got home with a friend from work...it was beautiful weather again. I love gorgeous weather & having the light still to go walking when I get home...lol

My laugh....

2008-03-17T22:31:00.003-04:00

is very infectious in case you didn't know. My friend & I decided since we couldn't go downtown to celebrate St. Patty's Day that we could at least go out & have happy hour & dinner somewhere. We ended up going to Chili's & another friend of mine was able to meet us as well. After sitting there for a while a woman that came in with her children (I'm guessing) that was sitting next to us leaned over at one point & told me that my laugh was infectious & it made her laugh...but she didn't feel like laughing...so could I please stop. If you know me....you know my laughs. As Odie puts it I have laughs that communicate with animals...whether it's monkeys, dolphins or orcas....I can communicate with both land & water creatures. So for me to hold back my laughs...I was convinced I was going to hemorrhage or like my friend said 'get a hernia'. Rough times.

On a side note I've realized I'm getting into skinny guys...not gross anorexic guys...but like John Cusack, Patrick Dempsey (before McDreamy status) & Hugh Dancy. Love these guys....Cusack is way new....Patrick...I've loved all his cheesy 80's movies....pretty much any 80's cheesy film I like. I watched Say Anything last nite....that was some super cheese...but so cute. Hugh Dancy I've had a crush on since Ella Enchanted & Blood & Chocolate. Don't be confused however....I'm still attracted to my muscular guys like Vin & Channing. There's just something about those big arms wrapped around me that brings a smile to my face. lol

Some fantastic news today: Bobby Deen signed my postcards I asked a friend to bring back from Savannah. He just happened to be in the store/restaurant when she was there...and they offered to sign my stuff....how freaking awesome is that?! I so love Bobby...but as my friend pointed out at dinner tonite....he might be playing on my friend's side rather than mine. Which I'm okay with...just as long as I'd have him in my life somehow...I think I could be okay with just being friends. Why do I talk like this? Like there is a good possibility that Bobby would fall in love with me instantly...and this would be a stipulation for me in my life? lol Just like I do with Blake Lewis. I love him to death but every time I see him perform I'm thinking 'he's got too much energy for me'....I love his liveliness...but at some points I just want to chill....be calm...veg out....'lay still like broccoli'.

New & some lost but now found loves....

2008-03-10T22:59:00.003-04:00

New Amsterdam
Hugh Dancy (actually I've liked him for a while....he was in The Jane Austen Book Club I just watched tonite....friendly reminder that he's hot!)
Netflix (they're my crack!)
did I mention Hugh? mmmm
Blake Lewis (love him!)

Short weekend

2008-03-09T21:08:00.002-04:00

...literally. Moving the clocks ahead an hour really can make your weekend very tiresome. It did not help that I had to travel to Jax today so I needed to get up super early.....and lost that hour while sleeping. At least it's time I will get back....in a few months that is. :) Our family got together today to celebrate my grandma's b-day (this upcoming Tues) & my Uncle's b-day (Friday). It was a great time! Got to reminisce once again about our childhood days. This happens almost every family gathering lately...mainly b/c they're many great grand babies/kids around....and you always have little cliques even in your own family....other kids kicking the others out....it's hilarious. But once this happens & the kids get yelled at we start reminding each other of how it was when we were all little. I love my baby cousins...they are toooo adorable. What happens like clockwork, my aunts & uncles & now my cousins tell me it's my turn to have kids. I had the whole living room's attention when I said 'you all are my birth control'. My one cousin that has 3 kids & is my age looked at me and said 'okay!'. Kids are so cute...and so great when you can give them back. We all can't wait for Easter which is only 2 weeks away!!!

Sad Tuesday

2008-03-04T21:40:00.003-05:00

I'm sad for two reasons today:
One I tried donating blood today & it was not as successful as I was hoping. The last time I tried to donate my heart rate was too high. This time I got through all the screening processes but once the needle went in my arm it was slow flow. I realized it immediately...they were so patient...I kept complaining & cracking jokes about myself (I was entertainment for the day for them by far - here's this 26 yr old obnoxious, loud girl that has a freak out about giving blood but can sit through tattoos & piercings) the whole time...from the moment I walked in the bus. lol They finally gave up on me after what seemed to be 20 minutes (I read online that it was probably only 8 minutes). After they took the needle out I held the gauze on my arm until they were ready to bandage me up. The guy that I was entertaining the most came over & said 'look, this is the problem', so I looked over, he lifted up the gauze & attached was a blood string (aka blood clot). Apparently my blood had already been trying to heal up the wound after just a few moments of giving blood...so that's why I couldn't get the whole bag full. :( I was not expecting that so I of course screamed & I felt SO horrible. Here this bus came to our work area for some of us to donate. It was just me & friend at first but then right before they were done with me another guy came in....he was laughing at me so it wasn't like he was nothing but business it just upset me that I was that loud & was out of control even in a freaking bus. I laughed so nervously after he bandaged me up making fun of my scream that the tears coming out of my eyes looked like tears from laughing too much...but they were tears of disappointment. I was not feeling lightheaded or nauseated. I was perfectly fine. Just so disappointed in myself. After it was all over I was fine except the guilt of disappointment all day long.
TWO a friend of mine left the company I work at on Friday. Just up & left. He tried calling me on Friday (on my work phone) but never left a message....he didn't realize I had left early that day. He called me Monday morning to talk to me. It was sad. Our conversation ended with me asking 'so are you going to keep in contact with me'? We've always had this great excuse to talk to one another for work related questions...so when we were dating many years back a lot of people didn't know about it. After me he settled down & started a family with someone else. Since then his wife has him on a very short leash....she doesn't like any of his friends he used to hang out with....and me. So all this time he can get away with calling me b/c I work with him (I guess). I've always known she's never liked me...she reminded me at a company picnic a few months ago when she snubbed me as I tried to walk up & say 'hi'. Now....now it's whenever he's not under her lock & key...which is probably only when she goes to work. And to prove this he called me Monday nite again after hours (he knows I work late most Mondays)...when I answered I asked him where he was (I knew the answer but I just had to hear it)...he was in the car. I'm just thinking to myself he's having to sneak around to talk to me now....I won't ever see him again...b/c now coming up here for work related purposes & staying with his old friends...well now that's not an option anymore. He told me the second time he called me (before the after hours call) that he gave his home email addy to a few people....I stayed quiet....I knew why he hadn't given me his home email addy....and why he changed the subject so fast...b/c she probably sees his emails as well. It's craziness.....she won....I'm not in competition for him at all....I wish she would get over this. It's just insane that he's having to sneak around to talk to me.
With these two things on my mind today I decided today was a good day to go to Bath & Body Works & get some more of my perfume/spray. Coupons entice me to stores...which I know the stores plan the coupons around us as well. My friend got an email that we could get a free tote with any purchase for the next 4 days....she wanted the tote...I could live w/o it...lol I was such a good girl I just picked up my spray & the tote & I was out the door. While thinking about this around 4 this afternoon I thought well I could get a hair cut while I'm at the mall....I figured a good shampooing would make me feel better. So I went & got my hair cut....it's cute.....I can't wait for the spring time to get here where I'll do my blond chunks again. As far as feeling better...well....I think I'm going to try to watch a happy Doris Day movie & some Seinfeld before I go to bed.
p.s. I found out why my blood was clotting so fast. My brother knew immediately when I was telling him...I eat too many bananas. And I just ate a banana w/ some omega 3 peanut butter for breakfast. Bananas have vitamin K which produce the platelets (aka scabs) in your blood. I'm relieved I now know the answer. I go for my annual next week...I'll bring it up to my dr. just to make sure...but I think I might do better next time....that is if they don't mind me again.

Happy mood....

2008-03-03T21:10:00.004-05:00

I was/still am in a happy mood today even though it started off a little rushed. I went about my normal routines this morning & as I was just getting in the shower I remembered I was suppose to pick up a friend at work whose car is in the shop. I immediately texted her to let her know I would be there right before 8...she was okay with that....so I was a little relieved. Once we got to work it was a typical Monday. Chaotic. It didn't help I left pretty early on Friday afternoon. So I played catch up for Friday afternoon & then moved on to getting my normal Monday duties done. I shouldn't have taken a lunch but I did anyways....when can you pass a gyro? Okay you can...but it wasn't a payroll Monday so I went! lol Once we got there I remembered I had a few things I should of cleared up before leaving b/c they were trying to close the month by 1 that afternoon & even though we leave for lunch at Hazel time it still isn't always the best time. So I got on the cell & made a few phone calls while waiting for our delicious lunch to be prepared. Once we returned to the office it was back to hectic-ness. Somehow through all this craziness I made the best of the day I guess....I kept a smile on my face..and cracked a few jokes along the way. :) After work my friend needed a ride home as well so we decided to stop by this oriental grocery store that seems to always have good prices on produce. Once we pulled up we discovered their version of grocery carts. My friend & I just started dying laughing...they were so petite...they reminded us of baby strollers. I immediately was reminded of my Intercultural Communication class back in college. It was like a parent scolding their child for doing something wrong. I realized I shouldn't be laughing...but then thought...oh well! What is humor? Only making fun of ourselves or making fun of other people. Whatever....funny is funny! Right Odie? lol My friend discovered it was actually one of those baskets you carry around a grocery store on wheels....they did have a normal grocery cart but there were more of the basket carts. I dared my friend to walk in with one. I took some pictures of her...it was big enough to carry her purse. It was rude...but funny. Once we walked in I was immediately psychologically reminding myself to be open...this is a different culture I kept telling myself....until we got to the seafood side...I just immediately turned around & complained of the smell. Before going into the seafood department I learned lots of new things. One there is no vegetarian anything. I found a can of 'vegetarian duck roast'. WTF?! Oxymoron. We looked at their candies...thinking we could find some ginger candy for sure....instead we stumbled upon some candied cuttle fish...shredded squid. In the freezer section...they had a bag of worms....squid poppers. In the snacks they had what looked to be mini cakes...but with crab as an ingredient...it was just suppose to be a chocolate cake!!! I now question if I should ever return to an oriental restaurant. I don't think they understand what 'vegetarian' means....I have a strong feeling they think bacon is vegetarian as well. Odie - I took a picture of the can for you. After leaving I told my friend I was very traumatized....big HUGE culture shock (I studied Japanese culture in college...and didn't find it this disturbing)...."but then again" I said to her that "at least we know they use all parts of the animals"...even though they use different animals/things than what we would normally use...and they prepare it a WHOLE different way that I think we would actually do....it was in a way very educational.

Weekend

2008-03-03T20:51:00.005-05:00

My weekend started off earlier than most. In stupidity I forgot to pick up my meds on Thurs. nite. I didn't realize it until 11 Thurs. nite...I figured if I got up early on Friday & picked them up I would be okay if I took them right away. Well I took them first thing Friday morning after picking them up from the pharmacy & was feeling not so good...but I figured once the medicine got back in my blood system I would be okay. After a few hours I realized I wasn't getting any better...I decided I wanted to come home & sleep. I didn't sleep well Thurs. nite b/c I was worried what might happen a whole day w/o them. So some of my symptoms could of been psychological. I was super nauseated...I felt like I had motion sickness...and on top of that my brain felt like a bowl of spaghetti noodles. It was so weird. So I came home early Friday afternoon & slept & relaxed. I figured I would just relax Friday nite & do all my errands Saturday morning before my little sister came over. That's exactly what I did. I got all my errands run with a few minutes to spare before my little sister came over. Once she got here we went to a local arts festival in a new location (Town of Tioga)....it was nice. They're still doing construction there but it was nice to go into their shops & to check out the (small but nice) arts festival. It was a beautiful day outside....so that was really nice. They have a huge kitchen store....a.k.a. Heaven. :) After that we decided to go to Toys R Us & find a new game. Not really much luck there....so we went to Wal Mart & found a few new things. Saturday nite we watched a movie & then called it bedtime. Sunday we woke up & went to the pool (where I think I got whiter). After that we had lunch & then it was time for her to go back with my mom. She's in girl scouts & she has to man cookie booths for the next few weekends...so I get her now around her schedule. It actually worked out really well. There were a few things I realized I forgot Saturday morning so I wanted to go pick those things up...plus I got a gift card to Best Buy for doing a survey online. I had ALL intentions on getting Fletch 2 (I know....I'm such a weirdo...I love Chevy Chase movies...but I don't find him attractive!). But they didn't have it....so in their already devious plan I bought something else....and just as they hoped I bought stuff over the gift card allotment. lol I'm a sucker every time. :) I bought the J.T. Labor Day concert (that was a dayum good concert....one of the backup dancers has a hairstyle I might be getting in the Spring & 'make ya wanna say my name' move is dayum hot....dayum girl!)...and a MJJ video compilation (love some MJJ). In all of this I got some more movies under my belt this weekend. They are as follows...with my short reviews...
Marnie - bad Hitchcock film.....I was disappointed...especially realizing it was made AFTER Dial M for Murder
Dial M for Murder - was good (thank goodness it wasn't in black & white)
No Reservations - was cute....I like that guy Aaron Eckhart...he's kind of cute....
In the Valley of Elah - was good...but sad.....I like the very last scene....well done.....
I started watching Perfume (it's a little disturbing...but I will finish it Monday nite)

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Visitor in town

2008-02-28T21:24:00.003-05:00

A friend from Tampa has been up this week. We had lunch with her yesterday at one of our favorite locales (Trifecta). Tonite was a happy hour at a once in a while stop for us (Gator's Dockside). Lunch was a good turnout. Happy hour was .....me? She had a few of her friends to come by & then it was just me. It was good company though. I did not stay that long I had clothes to finish up & I knew I would have some cleaning to do when I got home as well. Besides our visitor in town we've had some 'scenery' in our office lately. There are 2 guys working on our walls in our bldg. Making the ceiling even lower....it's making me claustrophobic. lol Anyhow there's one dude that has actually been there for a couple of weeks doing random stuff...this wall stuff is new. The first day he was in our office a woman from down the hall emailed a few of us with main attention to me telling me that the guy reminded her of Vin Diesel. I highly disagree. But then a guy was standing in my office today & noticed him walk by. He looked at me & said "he reminds me of....you know who I'm thinking of....." I interrupted with a 'no'. And then told him who he was trying to think of. lol The other dude with him who is new to the office this week reminds me of one of my married-in cousins....with me now saying married-in I can now admit that I have a small crush on my married-in cousin...lmao.....no this isn't Alabama folks. The guy that's working in the office isn't that cute....he's inked up...but I think he's a little grungy looking. So it's not that nice of scenery. Plus the original dude (we shall call him wanna-be Vin) dips....ugh! It's so gross. You can always tell when people dip even if they don't have it in their mouth...but when I heard it go into a bottle the other day I couldn't believe he actually did it at work. He's like a construction worker that works in business buildings..remodeling...or fixing.... but these guys....they're not the smartest. We used to have running jokes about these guys...b/c every time they come in to do something to our building it's always a not so good job well done. I made a joke this time when they were around that they had their Playskool tool bench with them this time...except today I heard a saw....now that wasn't in the playskol set when I was growing up. ?? Anyhow I've just been really mean this week. I've been picking on people. I'm just being harsh. It's b/c I'm not stressed at work right now. In fact I'm way not stressed. lol Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday & a great weekend. :)

Birthday weekend

2008-02-26T20:51:00.004-05:00

I have not blogged about my b-day weekend yet!!! Well is all started off with me finding a Seinfeld ticket at the very last minute. I cancelled happy hour & went straight home after work to get ready for a perfect birthday surprise. It was really crowded when I got there. Okay I really didn't find a ticket. If only. Anyhow we had happy hour at Ruby Tuesday's on Friday nite. It was just a small party but it was with good company. After happy hour I went to my bro's & shared some of my delicious black forest trifle with him & his roomies (this way I wouldn't eat all of it by myself). We hung out for a while & then I went home & just relaxed. A friend at dinner mentioned maybe going to Nappy's that nite for karaoke which I was gung ho for for about 20 minutes...then thought about how tired I was & would really enjoy it if more people were able to attend next Friday nite if we went to Nappy's then. So I mentioned this to him & he was just as excited. So that is the upcoming plan for this Friday nite....I think. Saturday my little sister came over after I got in my grocery & Wally World shopping. (She doesn't like to go shopping with me on the weekends so I try to get it in before she comes over.) We did go to Wally World once she came over though...she wanted to look at toys (apparently she has $$ that's burning a hole in her pocket...lol). We walked out with some electronic pet shop game. lol After that we went over to my bro's & played some Rock Band. My little sister is so much better at the drums than me. I did find my calling though....the singing...I totally rock at Wonderwall. Apparently that's my jam....or at least we'll say that's my Ace of all songs (100%). lol Sunday was a very hectic day. I needed to go to work to actually work & decorate my friend's office....I also had my mom coming over to get my little sister (that was temporarily going over to my brother's) & I needed to go by Cinnabon to get cinnamon rolls for my friend's b-day breakfast on Monday & I need to bake a cheesecake. Plus my friend was coming into town to do dinner & a movie b/c her real b-day is Sunday. Needless to say Sunday went by way too fast. I got all my work done with only 30 mins to decorate my friend's office. I felt horrible...but all my ideas were up....just not all the detail I wanted. I ran by the mall on my way to get my little sister & picked up the cinnamon rolls. Got my little sister with just a few minutes to spare. Once my mom picked up my little sister I called my friend to see where she was. She was already in town. We decided to go to Olive Garden and then see the movie (Step Up 2 = good dance scenes...acting..not so much....however the lead actor in the movie - which is also the boyfriend in She's the Man: Justin...he was born here! I couldn't believe it when I imdb'd him....for a while in the movie I couldn't place his face...but my first reaction was that it was him...but my friend was like no....b/c STM was like 3 years ago...people change...I was just super excited). Olive Garden was very delicious!! Once again good company. :) After dinner & a movie I whipped up a new york style cheesecake. That's it....I cleaned up & watched The Covenant & called it a weekend. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Plan B (again)

2008-02-21T23:41:00.002-05:00

My time has run out to get a Seinfeld ticket. I can not find them online anymore....so I've moved on to plan b (which happened after work today): happy hour at Ruby Tuesdays. I love their veggie burgers & I think they have really good happy hours. Our local fav. mexican restaurant's service has gone straight downhill....it takes forever to get service anymore. I called many people & all sound very interested...so I'm happy. I can't wait for tomorrow for it shall be a day for me...just me...and Nate & Drew Barrymore...and recognition of Washington's b-day....those peeps aren't going to be with me tomorrow so I'm still hogging the day all to myself. My best friend is making a black forest trifle for tomorrow & another friend is making banana pudding (another fav. of mine). I will be having a Seinfeld luncheon at work tomorrow. I will air my 2 fav. episodes: Kenny Roger's Roasters & The Merv Griffin Show. I'm excited....my true reasoning for doing this is trying to recruit new Seinfeldians.....they've dwindled down at work now with a few of my friends that have moved away. We'll be ordering pizza. It will be great. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. :)

Empty Weekends

2008-02-17T22:24:00.002-05:00

This weekend I did not have my little sister. She had a camping trip with her girl scouts this weekend. So my original plan was to see if a friend of mine was available to see if I could stay with her. But she had to work & was busy. So on to plan B. Which was just chill maybe do some shopping, exercising & hanging out with the bro. Then I got a call from my Aunt early Friday morning. My grandma was put in the hospital Valentine's Day nite. I was going to call her that nite too. So freaky. Anyhow she wasn't do good at all. They had her in ICU...she was on dialysis & was fighting an infection that she has had for like 2 weeks (but she's been on medicine for the last week & some change). My Aunt told me she was going to be okay once they could get her kidneys working again so not to worry about coming up there right away. So I figured I would probably go up there sometime this weekend. My mom was with my little sister but knew she would be back from the camping trip on Sunday so she was going to go up there Sunday....I figured I would just catch a ride with her. Saturday consisted of sleeping in late & some shopping. After my shopping & errand running my brother told me to come over to play some Rock Band & possibly to get my Treasure Hunters dvds to work on his 360 (b/c both of my dvd players wouldn't recognize the disc). While on my way home from running a few errands in the early afternoon I felt sad. Felt weird. Then I realized w/o my little sister on the weekends it's like a complete void. Sure I love the fact of sleeping in & then continuing to lay in my bed & watch a movie. Not having plans to go places except to visit my bro or shopping. But once I get that alone time in the morning....it's like the rest of my day is lonely. I was bummed. But the Rock Band & Treasure Hunters watching did cheer me up temporarily. My brother & his roomies & girlfriend were really excited about watching Treasure Hunters...only b/c I told them about a certain group that was on the show that were just absolute retards. Once the shows started up there was laughter that was almost unending until my bro wanted to watch basketball that was coming on t.v. So our T.H. watching has been delayed until we can all sit down again. Hopefully sometime this week we'll have time to get together.
Sunday we drove up to Jax & visited with my Grandma for a while. She told us that she had been feeling really weak & dizzy when she stood up on Thurs. She finally called one of my Aunts & told her how she was feeling. As soon as they got over there they called the paramedics...there was no way they were going to be able to carry her to car if she couldn't even stand on her own. The doctor told her Friday that if she didn't come in when she did she probably wouldn't be here today. She started crying....for some odd reason I didn't bust out in tears thinking about it (my grandma has always been my mom....I grew up at her house). I instead cracked a joke about how she thought she could get rid of us that easily but nope....didn't happen. The tears somewhat went away & a half smirk showed up on her face. I would of hugged her but she was hooked up to so much stuff & then she was in the corner b/t the table & the bed I wouldn't have made it so smoothly. Instead I saved the hugging for the end & gave her an extended hug with an "I Love you". I found out that almost all my cousins had been up there already on Friday (Friday was the bad day). And my one Aunt & my uncle & his wife went up there several times a day & would sit with her. So she always had company...that was really nice to hear. So I hope everything turns out well and the company keeps aflowing. She'll be in the hospital for probably at least the next week they're doing all kinds of tests on her...the main worry was to get her kidneys working again (finally they did....third time is the charm)....so now moving on to the next problem.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Valentine's baked goods

2008-02-13T22:56:00.003-05:00

Tonite was spent baking, baking & chopping up stuff for my chocolate fondue tomorrow nite. The baking was for both work & my dinner party. I baked my friend snickerdoodles, another friend chocolate/chocolate peanut butter chip cookies, rice krispie treats, snickerdoodle cupcakes...I think that might be it. I cut up strawberries & angel food cake to go with our fondue. The kitchen is clean....my bathroom & bedroom are clean. I asked my roomie to vacuum for me tomorrow before I get home. (She said she wanted to help out). We'll see if it gets done though. I'll have to come home right after work & start my veggie stuffed pasta shells, cut up the veggies for my veggie tray & start my fondue pot. I think I need to pick up another bottle of wine tomorrow at lunch. Well I have to go paint my toenails now...lol Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day. Love you guys!!!! :)

Prep for Valentine's Day

2008-02-12T22:07:00.003-05:00

We're having a dessert day at work on V-day. Desserts are my specialty & I really haven't been baking that much so I'm totally up for it. I made 2 batches of cookies tonite (chocolate chip & peanut butter....I still had some stashed in the freezer from this past weekend....baking with my little sister....but that wasn't going to be enough). Tomorrow nite will be snickerdoodles cookies for a good friend of mine (I slacked at Xmas time somehow & never made those for her).....snickerdoodle cupcakes & a special treat for another friend of mine. When I got home I realized I forgot a few things at the grocery store that I just came from! I hate that! I even had a list....and it was at the top of my list! So horrible. So I will be going back to the grocery store before getting home tomorrow nite. I also will be baking on Thurs. nite. I'm having a V-day dinner/movie/fondue get together at my apt for all us free (I mean single) peeps (which only consists of like 4 people). lmao My roomie is partial to romance movies so I tried to think up a good V-day movie that wouldn't be so lovey dovey....and then it dawned on me...how about the movie "Valentine" with David Boreanz...lol. So when I get home on Thurs. nite I will be making veggie stuffed pasta shells, putting together a veggie tray, putting together the chocolate fondue...and I haven't determined what else. I don't want to do too much b/c it's only going to be a few people...but I still love to do things like this for holidays. I'm trying to think up something to do for St. Patty's day. But it might just be easier if we all went downtown. Either way I'd have to worry about my friends driving back home in the traffic with the drunks. So I dunno yet.
Anyhow I'm very upset that I did not get to make it to Brody's stand up/graduation last nite. I was thinking about him the whole nite (well when I got home)....I was hoping he would do really great...and not get too nervous...and just love it....I know he wants to find another 'something to be great at'. And I'm sure he did fine...it's just I wanted to be there...and unfortunately couldn't. I hope he'll forgive me for I will be there for his wedding (if I do get an invitation). It's just sometimes you wish you could be there for somebody but something is holding you back & you can't go....but you REALLY wish you could of gone....and then the guilt of what it must feel like for them b/c you didn't show up. Did they really have high ambitions on you showing up? Did you really let them down? Do they think you're an idiot b/c you're worrying about it too much (which I do not think this is the case...for I know this was important to him). It's just at this point how can you really make up for it? I could send him baked goods...but I'm thinking that isn't the fallback for everything to express I care/I apologize/I miss that person/I'm proud of them. I want to go to the aquarium as well up there....but of course I have to get up there in order to even go there or see him. Time will come. :) But for now I hope he forgives me. ?? I can't wait to see the footage!!!

Movies....shopping....and baking....

2008-02-10T22:00:00.000-05:00

Let's start off with the movies: I watched Send Me No Flowers (was disappointed), The Dinner Game (weird foreign somehow funny movie that I thought was an Agatha Christie movie), The Game Plan (actually loved it), Fool's Gold (it was cute...for some odd reason I don't like history classes but like history movies such as this & National Treasure) & am currently watching Casablanca (the Grammys aren't looking so hot this year). Other than my movie watching I was on a hunt for several things this weekend. The main thing was my little sister's V-day present (Cheetah Girls 2)....I found it on Amazon but the wait was too long....and I'm a cheapskate I didn't want to pay the extra $5 last week for shipping. So instead I spent $5 in gas driving all around town trying to find the movie only to come up empty handed. I had already gotten her one movie so I figured I would take her to Target & let her pick out another movie. My bro & his girlfriend came over on Saturday to watch Game Plan with us. I had bought them their V-day gift the day before (a 3 month unlimited 3 at a time plan with Netflix). Carmen came in thanking me for it....my brother knew about it beforehand b/c it's something that she's been wanting for some time now...but I knew that my brother would enjoy it just as much as her. She admitted that she actually started crying over it she was so happy. After the movie that we all enjoyed me & my little sister went to Target on a mission to find her a movie. She wanted The Game Plan of all things...lmao...I also let her get Prince & the Pauper (the boys from a Disney show's movie that's exactly like It Take Two). Sunday we played tennis at my bro's for a little bit. His apt complex is having a tennis tournament next weekend so go figure real tennis players actually wanted to practice. So about 20 minutes into us playing we had to stop & give up the court (mainly b/c I felt foolish hogging up the court when there were real tennis players waiting patiently for the court). My little sister was very upset but we visited with my brother & she got to play Wii with him & that made her day a little better. After that we came back & did some baking. Most of it went home with her but some cookies are in the freezer. They will be taken to work on V-day. We are having a dessert day on V-day. I do not know all the things I will be bringing....yet. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I have to get back to my movie. :)

Turn of luck?

2008-02-10T21:51:00.000-05:00

**This is Thursday's blog...but I never posted it..just saved it."
Today was a weird lucky day in some way. At lunch I tried to buy additional marinara sauce with our lunch & the guy gave it to us for free. After coming back from lunch I learned that one of our friends could of used a day to join us at lunch (but she’s been on a diet…so I didn’t even bother asking her)….in means to give her a little something ‘bad’….I hunted down a 3 Musketeers at work….I found one in our other building’s snack machine. The vendor guy was actually filling up the machine when we got there…and low & behold there was a whole row of 3 Musketeers…I was super excited he turned around & asked what I wanted I told him & he said “Since I like you I’ll give it to you for free”. Wow….that’s 2 times I’ve gotten stuff for free today. I feel special. Lol I’ve wondered for the rest of the afternoon what else I could get for free today. You know my luck ended with the scratch off tickets not too long back…but I wonder if I got more today if my luck would come back with them. Or there’s the opportunity that if I go to a happy hour tonite with a friend I might get a free drink. Hmmm….. i.d.k. I’m curious though.

Busy sleep

2008-02-04T19:04:00.000-05:00

Have you ever woke up from a night's sleep exhausted? I have both Friday & today (and in the past as well). I think it's because I have such crazy dreams....it's like my mind is still going when I'm asleep. So when I wake up I have all these fresh memories of me running or somebody being killed....or work related dreams. Weirdness. Well I hope to get some descent sleep tonite....I think I'm going to crawl into bed super early and try.

On a side note I've been stuck on classic movies lately. My newest classic kick is Doris Day films. Funny...I know. I was trying to explain it to a friend today at lunch. First of all I've realized I can't really sit through the black & white classic movies....only the colored ones. But the reason I like Doris Day is b/c she's not as submissive as women used to be back in the day...she's a little strong headed....and funny. I've watched Pillow Talk & That Touch of Mink...which I've enjoyed a lot. I still need to watch Casablanca even though it's black & white...but I think that might be my last black & white film.

Something that's been bothering me...

2008-01-28T20:44:00.000-05:00

Not that this issue hits home or anything...but the death of Heath Ledger has really been bothering me. He was sooo young. It's not like he was one of my fav. actors either though...it just is sooo sad. The SAG awards were on the other nite....and normally I watch those kind of shows...but I couldn't watch it. Why? B/c I knew that Heath would be brought up. While he should definitely be remembered & honored & mentioned....I just didn't want to hear it. I've realized why. His c.o.d. has not been determined or at least announced. And I have a huge problem with suicide. I think it's a very selfish way to end your life. So with this being said....I realized I have no idea how to really react to his death...and therefore that's why I don't like hearing it over & over again. I'm so judgemental.